A Good Place

I wasn't aware of this until recently, but I've been in a good place for a while now in regard to my size.  I guess I didn't grasp this because I wasn't having angst over how my clothes were fitting, or how I was looking in them...funny how you can be unhappy with yourself and know it, but being content?  It was just happening, if that makes sense.  But while we were in Santa Fe and I was looking at the pictures that my brother took each day, I realized that I didn't hate how I looked in them - and he took a lot of pictures, so there were plenty of opportunities for me to pick apart my appearance, but I didn't.

Here I am, looking like a normal person:

(afternoon iced tea break)

Happy normal:

(new earrings selfie)

Thoughtful normal:

(at a museum - part of my brother's "doorway series" of photos)

Walking away normal:

(how many times have you seen a picture of yourself from behind and been OK with it?)

Nothing has really changed - I've been the same size for quite a while now - but I've figured out what styles of clothing makes me look and feel good vs what makes me feel fat and blobby, and while I don't own a lot of clothes, what I do have, I love, and that's what I wear.   For example, I stepped outside my normal blue-colored denim box over the summer and bought myself a pair of olive green ankle pants, and I feel so good when I wear them - they are just different enough for me, but the cut and fit are perfect.

Also over the summer, I ordered and returned about five tops in various sizes - I ended up keeping two of them that I love, but what I discovered is that regardless of the size (and depending on the top, I fit into a medium all the way to an extra large), I look best in petite-length tops...and that made me cull my closet because once I realized that, I saw that every top I owned that I felt not-so-great in?  They were all too long and overwhelmed my short legs.  To the Goodwill bag they went!

Regarding clothing sizing - I let go of feeling good or bad about a size when I shopped for denim capris a while back.  On the same day, I fit into four different sizes depending on the manufacturer and style of capris - FOUR SIZES!!!  That's when I decided it was ridiculous to look at sizing as anything other than a random number on a tag.  Since then, I bring in (or order online) several sizes of the same style to try on and choose the one that fits me properly, not the one with the number I think I should be.

And as long as I'm writing about sizing, I'll confess to accidentally buying a much larger size of running capris than I normally do from Old Navy several months ago.  I'd already ripped off the tags when I put them on to go for a run and that's when I realized my mistake.  But you know what?  They are damn comfortable!  Turns out, I like super loose capris - they aren't tight at all around my stomach, and since I wear a running skirt over them (with built-in shorts), they can't fall down.  Just another way I'm in a good place - old me would have rejected the capris based on the size, since it's an early-weight-loss size for me.  New me?  Who cares about the size...it's much nicer to run in looser fabric!

Once upon a time I lost a lot of weight.  And I started exercising and became an active person.  I haven't kept off all of the weight that I lost, but I have kept off a lot - and in the process, I've become content with my body.  I like where I'm at and what I'm noticing in pictures - I'm able to live a happy, fun life without having to be super-stringent about everything that I eat, and I'm keeping up with family and friends in the activity department.  There IS a good place, and I've found it.