Here I am, looking like a normal person:
(afternoon iced tea break)
(new earrings selfie)
(at a museum - part of my brother's "doorway series" of photos)
Walking away normal:
(how many times have you seen a picture of yourself from behind and been OK with it?)
Nothing has really changed - I've been the same size for quite a while now - but I've figured out what styles of clothing makes me look and feel good vs what makes me feel fat and blobby, and while I don't own a lot of clothes, what I do have, I love, and that's what I wear. For example, I stepped outside my normal blue-colored denim box over the summer and bought myself a pair of olive green ankle pants, and I feel so good when I wear them - they are just different enough for me, but the cut and fit are perfect.
Also over the summer, I ordered and returned about five tops in various sizes - I ended up keeping two of them that I love, but what I discovered is that regardless of the size (and depending on the top, I fit into a medium all the way to an extra large), I look best in petite-length tops...and that made me cull my closet because once I realized that, I saw that every top I owned that I felt not-so-great in? They were all too long and overwhelmed my short legs. To the Goodwill bag they went!
Regarding clothing sizing - I let go of feeling good or bad about a size when I shopped for denim capris a while back. On the same day, I fit into four different sizes depending on the manufacturer and style of capris - FOUR SIZES!!! That's when I decided it was ridiculous to look at sizing as anything other than a random number on a tag. Since then, I bring in (or order online) several sizes of the same style to try on and choose the one that fits me properly, not the one with the number I think I should be.
And as long as I'm writing about sizing, I'll confess to accidentally buying a much larger size of running capris than I normally do from Old Navy several months ago. I'd already ripped off the tags when I put them on to go for a run and that's when I realized my mistake. But you know what? They are damn comfortable! Turns out, I like super loose capris - they aren't tight at all around my stomach, and since I wear a running skirt over them (with built-in shorts), they can't fall down. Just another way I'm in a good place - old me would have rejected the capris based on the size, since it's an early-weight-loss size for me. New me? Who cares about the size...it's much nicer to run in looser fabric!
Once upon a time I lost a lot of weight. And I started exercising and became an active person. I haven't kept off all of the weight that I lost, but I have kept off a lot - and in the process, I've become content with my body. I like where I'm at and what I'm noticing in pictures - I'm able to live a happy, fun life without having to be super-stringent about everything that I eat, and I'm keeping up with family and friends in the activity department. There IS a good place, and I've found it.