Monday, March 9, 2015

Support...and Not

I've probably blogged about this at some point in time, but it's a good thing to revisit (and let's face it, since I never tagged any of my posts, there's no way I'll find specific "support" posts to reference after nearly seven years of blogging, anyway).

I think it's safe to assume that everyone can agree, having a supportive person (or two) around while you are trying to make a major change is a good and helpful thing.  I was lucky in that when I started my diet, my husband was willing to drink the Kool-Aid...er, eat the salad/healthy food right alongside me.  He went along with how I changed up our meals, as well as how I stopped buying snacky food - not once did he ever bring home ice cream or anything that might have made dieting more difficult for me than it already was.  And I'll never forget the first time I went to visit my best friend after I'd been dieting for a while, and she not only made sure to have some specific items on hand that I was eating regularly (like Greek yogurt), but she planned our eating out to healthier restaurants, instead of our traditional haunts like Carl's Jr.  Could I have done it without their support?  Probably...but it sure was nice to have.

The same goes with exercising - not only did Jeff support me as I wove my way through different types of movement, from my pink bike, to my Wii Fit system, from working out with my trainers, to running, but he never complained (much, anyway) about the cost (and once he started running, he understood real quick about the importance of good running shoes, no matter the price).  Same with my best friend - she planned time for us to exercise, and, as with my last visit, accompanied me on her bike while I got my long runs in.

My running buddies are no different.  From running with me at my pace, to understanding my funky anxiety at times...they have been willing to listen to my frustrations and have been offering to help get me through this.  The support I'm currently in the throes of receiving from several of my running buddies is immeasurable.  I am not a quick fix, that's for sure.  But I'm being given the gift of kindness, patience, and helpful advice, and I'm reminded, once again, of how lucky I am to have good people in my life.

But...what about the not-so-supportive people?  I might have painted too rosy of a picture, because I do have some meh people floating around me.  And they bother me.  It's not that I think I'm such a special snowflake that everyone should be supportive of me all the time, but who needs these negative types in their lives?  Sometimes, I can't avoid them, much as I'd like.  Sometimes, I need to figure out ways to tune them out when I can't escape them.  But sometimes?  They just need to go.  It might be a continuation of my "I'm FIFTY (one) and I can do what I want" mindset, but life is just too short to let unsupportive, negative people affect me.

What about you?  Do you have a good support system when it comes to your healthy lifestyle?  Do you have Negative Nancys in your stratosphere, and if so, how do you deal with them?

30 comments:

  1. there is a running store about...5 minutes away from my new house.
    locally owned.
    running groups leave from there on the weekends.
    we know Im not a running but I DO DO DO FEEL A DEARTH OF SUPPORT IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
    I always read you and think I need to walk my arse up there and find a support system.

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    1. Do it - go there and check it out. There might even be a walking group!

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  2. I do have a good support network of cycling friends, so hanging out with them on the bike or socially, is a very positive atmosphere. Lucky me. There are others, however, who are not on that page, not even near the book and so I have to set boundaries for ME about how much and when I interact. The good news is that I've been able to change one friendship from all about dining out/shopping/happy hours to morning meetups at the gym! So there's always hope!

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    1. How wonderful to transition a friendship into something that works for your healthy journey! And I love your bike club - seems like an awesome group.

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  3. I am very lucky like you my husband has supported me both emotionally and financially
    all these 18 years that I have been working out. Over the course of those years my
    eating and cooking style have changed many times to evolve to where it is now and he
    like your Jeff drank the kool-aide. My adult son lives with us and he still likes his junk food
    but he doesn't parade it around me. If anything I have to be careful and not preach
    about healthy nutrition and working out. I try to lead my example.

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    1. Even as an adult, you know your son is watching what you do and storing that info...one of these days, he'll need it, and all of your healthy actions will come back, front and center, to him. Good job staying true to yourself while he's eating junk food!

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  4. I definitely think you need to limit the negative people. The hard part, though, is when those people aren't really negative in and of themselves, but it is hard to be around an influence which might lead you to poor choices.

    People that just give bad vibes and stuff- nope, gotta go. Life is too short for that stuff.

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    1. One of the best lines I heard, years ago, was "I don't do that anymore" - it helped me remember that even when others make something seem normal and OK, it's not normal and OK for me...and that's OK! But yeah, if I'm surrounded by people who eat willy-nilly, I do start to think that I can do that, too. Nope.

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  5. I guess I feel like life is too short to have anything but supportive people be close to you. Of course you can't avoid all the people that are not supportive, otherwise you'd be a hermit. But those are the type of folks you make acquaintances... keep a guard up and don't deal with them unless you absolutely have to.

    I can't say that I have a good support group at all, but sometimes I think that's my own fault. I tend to be a bit of a loner and I'm also a bit reserved about putting myself out for others ready to give their opinions, which I don't necessarily want to hear lol!

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    1. Haha, I totally get that about not wanting to hear other opinions! And you have a good point about putting your guard up with people you can't avoid.

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  6. I think the biggest negative Nancy right now lives inside my head!!! but in the past when I was at my all time low... it was hard and I fell into the trap too often... listening to their voices... it's okay to gain... "You are too thin" bleh not this time!!!! I have to do it for me... and just tune out the nay sayers... it is hard sometimes... that's why I went back to the meetings I need the support

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    1. Sounds like you figured out what kind of support you needed this time, and are following through with getting it - nice going!

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  7. I don't have a support group around me. R. isn't very supportive anymore when I say I want to lose wait and he's right: I've said it so many times and never did it. So I just don't mention it anymore. As for my long walks or other exercises he is always supportive and never complains about it because I'm pretty consistent with that. If, however, I decide to eat healthy and stick with it and lose weight, I'm sure he's back in the support corner.

    My friend K. was always supportive but my other friends sometimes don't understand why I want to lose wait, so I don't talk about it anymore.

    As for negative people, life is too short to have those in your life and I get rid of them immediately.

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    1. You know, I didn't want to tell Jeff or anyone when I started my last diet, because I'd failed so many times before...kind of like, I wanted to see if I could make it work before committing verbally to anyone else. Maybe it's that way with R - once he notices you making changes, he might say something and of course support you.

      So...how do you get rid of the negative people?

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    2. Break contact, I just don't see them anymore or f.e. at work: I avoid them. I made this decision that I don't negativity in my life many years ago in 2000 when my Dad died and I realized life is too short to have those in your life.

      Now ... family is a whole other story LOL.

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  8. I have a great support system! I try to pass this support on to my husband as he embarks on a weight loss journey but it is often unwelcome. He thinks he can do it on his own but he's tried before and he has struggled. I wish he would let people "in".

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    1. That sounds pretty challenging - you want to help your spouse but he doesn't need it. Hard to sit on the sidelines and just watch when you know you could help.

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  9. Shelley, you'll always be my special snowflake! Ha, love it.

    Yep, there was a time where I had a negative Nancy person in my life, and I didn't even notice it until Tony pointed it out to me. Huh. So I stopped communicating with this person after I moved an hour away nearly 15 years ago - and guess what? Since I wasn't convenient for her anymore, she hasn't called me ONCE in all that time - and this was someone who contacted me three times a day if she needed something and once told Tony that she stayed friends with me, even though I had gotten fat. Good riddance!

    Life is too short to have those kind of people in your life. :D

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    1. Interesting that you weren't the one to notice the negative Nancy - but equally interesting how she disappeared once you weren't convenient. People, I swear. What is UP with them???

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  10. I can't think of too many negative people in my life right now. I guess I weeded them all out already! I do think a good support group is really important. The people that know me the best (in regards to weight control) are my blog friends. Sometimes I think it would be good to have some in-person accountability people.

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    1. Interesting thought about you not feeling like you have in-person accountability people...after all these years, it might end up annoying you. Or it might be inspirational. Who knows? You and I are online support, but in person? We tend to go into "treat yo' self" mode, LOLOLOL.

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  11. I hear from so many people who are struggling because their partners aren't supportive of their exercise or diet habits. It makes me doubly thankful that Darrell has always been on board with my goals (even if he thinks running is insane!). Glad you've got such great support and the sense of self to say Pfft! to any Negative Nancies. :)

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    1. Glad to hear you have a supportive husband! :)

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  12. Your husband is a keeper! On MANY levels. Having a close knit, supportive circle just makes EVERYTHING better! Have a great day Shelley!

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  13. Yes I have tons of negative Nancys. It's not that they are negative but they don't get it. They don't care about losing weight. They are happy about how they look. Along with some supportive people. People who need and want to lose weight get it. And one really annoying husband who has dropped weight rather easily and I'm stuck. When he tells me he's lost another 4 lbs and I can't get the scale to move and I want to throat punch him. lol. He at least understands he says.

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    1. I'm OK with people being happy with how they look, overweight, underweight, whatever. It's the people who specifically try to spread their negativity around - those are the ones I can do without.

      Sorry about your husband and his easy weight loss. I can relate to that!

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  14. I've got MANY Negative Nancies in my life oh my goodness! Sometimes I'm strong enough to say "Shut up, It's my life" but I have to admit, sometimesI haven't been so strong and I've let it affect my day. I tried a strategy of just saying "OK" to whatever the negative people say. A person can't argue with "OK"- it doesn't give them anything to respond to. That usually shuts people up...they either still think I'm deluded and I'm going to kill myself or I'm a snob and I'm going to kill myself but either way the conversation is done :)

    http://keepcalmandpoonon.blogspot.ca/

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    1. I like your "OK" strategy - you're right...they can't argue with you at that point!

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