I had the suckiest of suck runs on Sunday. Sorry for the language, but there is no better way to describe it. It was our first warm day of the year - about 80 degrees - and the sun was beating down. No sunscreen - it just didn't occur to me. I barely made it a mile before I had to stop and walk! What was up with that?!? I've been running 3 miles without stopping for a couple of months now! My breathing was all ragged and I felt sluggish. We eventually started running again, but I had to stop and walk. Run, walk, repeat. It never got any better. What an embarrassment. And now, a few hours later, I sit here with the backs of my thighs sore, a slight sunburn, and a head full of self-doubts about all of my running plans. What happened to the person who ran a 5K last Sunday and felt great afterward? How am I going to be able to do my next 5K in less than two weeks? And the duathlon is a month away...my part in it is two 5K's! And then there is a 6K a week after that! And a 10K in July - what the hell was I thinking?!?
And here's another thing: What is up with the super-hunger that I get after a long run? I've noticed that after I run 3 miles (race or practice), I am HUNGRY for a couple of days afterward. It's just a constant hunger - I eat what I consider a normal, healthy (protein/fat/carbs) meal, and am ready to gnaw my arm off a couple of hours later! This is not good for weight-loss, people!!!
Speaking of weight-loss, while I am still on a scale vacation, I don't think I've lost any weight. I've had a few occasions to eat with other people, and "white carbs" have been consumed. It's weird, because while the calorie-count has not been horrible, the way I feel after eating such food has been bad, both physically and mentally. I'm trying to have a balance between the "diet Shelley" who is very strict about what she eats, and the "living-while-dieting-Shelley" who is trying to be a little more open to foods that she previously avoided. And what's sad is that I'm really not happy with myself when I eat the less-than-healthy foods.
I don't know what to do about this. I'm not happy with where my weight is; I want to lose about fifteen more pounds. But here's the thing: I haven't hit a weight-loss goal since I was in high school - about 30 years ago. And that didn't exactly end well - I hit that number and kept on going, right into anorexia. What if, this time, I can't do it? What if this is as good as I'm going to get with my weight? I will admit it's a hell of a lot better than the 256 pounds that I started at, but it's not where I want to be.
Doubts - I have a few.
Sorry for the downer of a post. Here's a picture of me and Linda, taken before the start of Suck Run 2010. Please to note my cute new Nathan water bottle - you slip in onto your hand and it stays there for the entire run. Or walk, as I found out.