Friday Mishmash

First, let's start with these super-cute fabric baskets that I recently won in a giveaway from Monica On The Go and Rellaroo, who has the sweetest etsy shop. I got to choose a basket from Rellaroo's shop, and was told to pick an alternate in case the one I picked was purchased before I sent my choices in. Well, color me surprised when I opened my mail to find both of my choices - thanks, Mindi - you are too generous! I love them and have had a lot of fun trying them out in different spots in my house. Currently they are in my closet holding my unmentionables (I know, I just mentioned them ::blush::) - what fun to see these gorgeous baskets every day!

Picture taken outside because the light was better...and look - there's a doggy in the window!

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And now, some down and dirty talk about food (and to clarify - no one sent me any samples; these are just my opinions of stuff I've bought recently at my local grocery store):

• Yoplait Greek yogurt (plain, nonfat) - Blech. Too sour - I'll stick to Fage.

• Kashi GoLean Crisp Toasted Berry Crumble - This stuff is like crack to me. I don't know how to describe it except to say that it pops in my mouth. The other night I measured out a quarter cup for a snack. And then another quarter cup. And another quarter cup...I believe I finally stopped at about a full cup - I have not been this out-of-control over a snack food in a long time. I was seriously going to throw it down the garbage disposal if I went back one more time. I didn't, but my advice: do not buy this very tasty, addictive cereal!

• Peanut butter from that machine in the grocery store - Back story is that I dropped my nearly full jar of Maranatha Organic Peanut Butter onto my kitchen's tile floor - sadly breaking the glass jar and splattering peanut butter all over. My grocery store doesn't carry that particular kind of peanut butter any more - most of their "natural" peanut butters are the no-stir kind that contains added palm oil and sugar, which I don't want. So I decided to try the "grind your own" peanut butter using the machine that held nothing but dry roasted peanuts (Would you believe one machine contained chocolate chips and peanuts?!? Yum) Anyway, I decanted about a dollar's worth into a little plastic tub, which came in handy when I took it home and promptly dropped it on my kitchen floor - what is up with me and peanut butter? Luckily the tub only cracked a little. Man, this is a long back story! Anyway, I made my pb&j sandwich and darned if that stuff isn't dry! Like, I needed to microwave it in order to get it smooth enough to spread on my sandwich thin. So while it was fun to grind my own peanut butter (really, all I did was flip a switch, but I felt very pioneer-like), this is not for me. I'll have to search for my Maranatha at a different grocery store.

• Newman's Own Lighten Up Sundried Tomato salad dressing - I never thought I would cheat on my favorite Newman's Own Lighten Up Balsamic Viniagrette, but I am loving the Sundried Tomato dressing! It has a little higher calorie count than the Balsamic (60 per 2 T serving vs. 45), but I always measure it out and really, the extra 15 calories isn't going to make or break my diet. Here is a picture of my super delicious salad that I had for dinner three days in a row this week:

Romaine and Boston lettuces, broccoli, radishes, green onion, sliced fresh mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes, bleu cheese, avocado, chicken breast and that yummy salad dressing!

• And just so you don't think I'm stuck in a food rut of salads (which I mostly am, lol), here's something new that I tried recently...chicken andouille sausage, with grilled asparagus (another food that is like crack to me) and some whole wheat fettuccine topped with Parmesan cheese, salt and pepper (no oil or butter).
  

Chicken Andouille sausage, 150 calories; 2 oz. whole wheat fettuccine, 210 calories, with half an ounce Parmesan cheese, 53 calories; 15 spears crack grilled asparagus, 48 calories - total for this decadent, delicious meal: 461 calories.

In case you are like me and didn't know what "andouille" stands for - it means spicy! Like hot pepper flake spicy! My mouth was en fuego, but in a good way (Biz, you would love this!).

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Jeff was out of town this week and I've had to be more aware and diligent when it came to my eating...I could very easily go off the deep end with no one watching me - not that he watches what I eat, but I had some pretty bad habits of majorly overeating when he would travel. Knowing my history, I've made a conscious effort to prepare healthy dinners and have lots of fruit around for snacks. Except for cereal-gate one evening (while I was watching The Biggest Loser, ironically), I've done really well. He'll be back home tonight and things will be normal, although we are going to Houston for that 6K run on Sunday, and have a lunch planned with Kelly and her family at a Mexican restaurant - hopefully I will control myself around the chips and salsa!

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P.S. I just realized that I referenced crack twice in this post. It's not like I have a true reference point - I've never tried it. (I would be skinny probably dead if I did.) It's not a joking matter to someone who has struggled with addiction, and I hope I haven't offended anyone by using that word lightly.

Wednesday Workout Update - Suddenlink Sucks Edition

Argh, what a frustrating morning! My internet has been out since late last night, and after several phone calls to Suddenlink (ptooey) where they were telling me it was my equipment failure AND that I needed to pay for a service call, it's finally back on...oh, and guess what? It was their problem. Jerks! (as my cousin Jill would say).

Onto the WWU!

Monday: I was still pretty sore from all the running I did on Saturday. Managed to get through everything, including a one mile run on the treadmill for time...we do this every so often to see how we are improving. I think I improved my previous time - this one was 11:13 - but not by much. What can I say...my legs were tired! After the workout, I went to our local sporting goods store and bought my new best friend - a GoFit foam roller. Best $20 I've spent in a long time! For some reason, my left hamstring is really bothering me...you'd think I ran in a circle or something on Saturday, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, the foam roller is helping - just wish I'd started using it right after the race!

Tuesday: I went for a run in the morning. I guess I am a social exerciser, because I much prefer running (or working out) with someone. As it was, Jenny was swamped, so I went alone. My knees were hurting, so I ran a mile, then walked for two minutes, then ran a half mile, walked for another two minutes, then ran the rest of the way to 3.2 miles...with a sprint up a slight hill at the end! I am trying to work on finishing strong so I can kick it toward the finish line - I felt pretty good about that sprint!

Wednesday: Ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and think "I hope we work on our arms today"? No? Just me??? Well, I was in the mood for some arm work, and Brad did not disappoint - we had a great gym workout and I felt really strong when we were done! Then onto Linda and cardio, where we did her patented "Kill and Drill" - 90 seconds of all out killing it on a machine, followed by 90 seconds of easy; repeat each for a total of four times. I was on the stepper first, and surprised myself by making it through each very intense 90 second set - and we all know that the stepper is not my favorite! Linda had us concentrate on what we wanted to change with that exercise, so I kept looking at my thighs as I was working the stepper and it did seem to make the time go by pretty quick.

After that, Jenny and I did the Kill and Drill on the spinner bikes - and that was fun! Side-by-side we raced for 90 seconds, then pedaled easily, then stood up and plowed through "mud" (where the tension on the bike is really tight); more racing and mud and then we were through. I really enjoyed that workout and afterward, while my legs felt like limp noodles, I felt like I did something good for my body!

Hmmm, I just realized that this is the second Wednesday in a row where I've had a great workout and felt energized afterward...which makes me believe that having a day in between these workouts is a good thing. Yay for change, and finally recognizing when to make one!

Thank you for all of the sweet and supportive comments on my Dansby's Duo recap post - the more time that goes by, the better I feel about my performance in that race. That said, I am looking forward to a less intense run on Sunday, when I will participate in the Dow Live Earth 6K in Houston - let's hear it for the fun runners!

Dansby's Duo Recap!

The Dansby's Duo is a duathlon, where you run a 5K, then bike 12 miles, then run another 5K. You could do this on your own or as part of a two-person relay team; my husband Jeff and I partnered up to do the relay, with me running both 5K's and him doing the biking.

Thoughts going through my mind during the first 5K:

• I wonder if a police car will be coming around to offer me a ride to the finish line, ala Kelly's first experience doing a 5K?
• Why in the world did I let Jenny talk me into doing this and where is she when I need her? (answer: at the opening ceremonies for Little League with her son...but still!)
• If I can catch up to that woman in the pink shirt, can I get her to tell me that I rock and that I can do this, ala MizFit, when she ran her first half marathon?
  
• There is no way I can do the second 5K. Jeff can do the bike ride and then we'll slink off.
• What the hell?!? I cross the finish line and I have to keep running to the transition area?!? Don't they know I'm done???

Yes folks, I was DEAD LAST while running the first 5K. I wore my apparently prophetic shirt emblazoned with the words "If it weren't for me you'd have nobody to pass" on both the front and back, but I didn't think I would actually BE last! This was a different group that I was running with - these people were the real deal. No fun runners here. I guess when you add in a biking component to a race, you weed out the *ahem* more casual runners...it would have been nice to know this ahead of time, as I got quite a shock when the race started and everyone began running...and I do mean RUNNING! Ho-ly crap. I was being passed up on all sides - and while I heard lots of "great shirt" comments, I could not believe what was happening. I was running next to an older man and thought "well, ok...I'll keep this man company" - and the next thing I knew, he took off and left me in the dust.

Finally, I didn't hear any more footsteps behind me, and I became filled with dread. You see, this was early - like less than half a mile into the race. We were running on a dirt berm that edged the lake, which was a little tricky - not the smooth pavement that I'm used to - and when we got to the end of it, there were race officials directing us to turn into the park. I caught one of the official's eye and he called out "Great job!" In return I said "Please tell me there is someone behind me" and he just clapped his hands and said "You're doing great!"

Oh.my.god. I was LAST. All alone. It was the worst feeling - I kept checking my pace on my Nike+ Sportsband, and it was decent (for me) - but I was so far behind everyone! There was one woman in a pink shirt ahead of me, and I kept thinking I would catch up to her but that never happened. When I got to the water station, which was at Mile 2, they had already started cleaning up the cups that were littering the road! I took some water, but felt bad at the prospect of throwing the cup onto the road (which is one of my favorite parts of a race - sanctioned littering) so I ended up tossing it into the trash can a little way up the road.

I just kept running, planning how I could talk Jeff into leaving after he rode the bike part, because there was no way I was going to be able to finish the second 5K before the race course was closed.

Finally, back on the dirt berm heading toward the finish line, I caught up to a woman - not the one in the pink shirt, but a woman in a swirly-patterned tank top. It wasn't that I had sped up; rather, she had slowed down. I was able to pass her with about a quarter mile left...so I ended up coming in second-to-last for the first 5K portion of the race. I knew Jeff was wondering if I was ever going to finish - he had to stay in the "transition" area where the bikes were, and I had to run there to transfer the timing chip to him, since we were a relay team. He strapped it onto his ankle and took off.

I think I was a little shell-shocked after Jeff rode off. In all of my previous races, I was nowhere NEAR last...and there were always plenty of people around me, not to mention that I had somebody to run with which makes a HUGE difference! Just having someone to say "we're doing great" and "we can do this" to is so nice and I really missed that with this race. Being last wasn't so much a blow to my ego as it was just.so.shocking...have I really been running these past few months? I thought I was doing ok, and actually improving - but this let me know that I am waaaay behind the true runners.

Brad and Kelly (another of his clients) came over to talk with me and try to help me regroup. I got some water and my package of Shot Bloks - if there was ever a time for physical and mental energy, this was it! Brad ended up going back into the transition area to wait for his partner to come in on the bike. Kelly stayed with me and I have to give her a lot of credit - she talked me down from the ledge and I began to think that I could do the second 5K. Pretty soon her partner, Rina (another client) came in on her bike and off Kelly ran. Rina and I chatted and watched the first relay team finish while we were waiting for Jeff to come in. Anyway, I mentioned how much harder I found this to be without a running partner, and without batting an eye, Rina said "I'll run with you" - can you believe that?!? What a relief - just knowing that even though I was going to be last again, at least I would have someone to run with made a huge difference - my feet felt lighter and my spirits were definitely soaring!

Jeff came flying in on his bike - I ran over to get the chip timer and he told me that he passed several bikers, which was great news! Rina and I took off running down that dirt berm again, but it was a whole different experience this time. She cracked jokes and we talked and it was wonderful - she kept up a running (haha) commentary on the other runners and where we were in the course. It was funny when Kelly, who was running toward us (coming in for her finish), saw Rina - she was all "what are you doing out here?!" but I'm sure she figured it out pretty quick. Rina and I ran and ran - it's weird to run the same course again, btw. As we rounded the last big loop, I looked behind us and saw no one and said "son of a bitch, I'm last again!" (but really, I didn't feel as bad as I did the first 5K) - and what do you know...all of a sudden, we saw another runner who was way behind us...and then another one, and another one...Rina kept count - there were twelve people behind me! I WASN'T LAST!!! What a relief! Back on the dirt berm again (say that in a Forrest Gump voice for maximum effect), we were running toward the finish. Kelly had come out part way and ran in with us. Jeff has also come out with the camera to take some pictures...and I ran toward the finish line with my posse! Now that is the way to end a race!!!

Oh...and guess what? I ran the entire second 5K - which means that I ran both 5K's without walking - woohoo!!! Stats: first 5K - 37:00; bike - 46:52; second 5K - 37:34. Crazy how even the two 5K's were, right?

I know this is a long post, but of course I have to put in some pictures. Thanks for reading this far - now you get to the easy part!

Obligatory pre-race porta-potty stop (please note the black strap around my ankle is not a house arrest monitoring bracelet but rather my timing chip!)

Right before the first 5K - how did I not notice that these people were actual runners?!?

Here is the older man who I was going to be kind to and keep company - NOT. Lol, I just noticed he had a knee brace and I still couldn't keep up with him!

Me trailing pink shirt to the finish...Running into the transition area - NOW pink shirt walks? She couldn't have done that for just a tiny bit during the 5K?!?

Sad, sad sight...Jeff's bike, another bike, and two riders getting ready to leave.

Pedal fast, Jeff!Jeff coming back in - um, yeah, lots more bikes compared with the other picture!Rina and I coming down the dirt berm toward the finish...it was a loooong dirt berm!

Look - there are runners behind me!Finished at last - Rina and Kelly behind me - thanks, ladies, for the encouragement!!!Rina and I - I cannot thank her enough for running that second 5K with me!Kelly and I - she made me believe I could actually do the second run...Did I mention that Rina and Kelly WON the female relay category?!? Way to go, ladies!!!

Done - what a relief!!!

It's All in Your Head...Or IS It?

I'm sure you're familiar with that saying "it's all in your head" - the cynic in me believes that's true for a lot of things. For example, I've been taking fish oil caplets (blech, ptooey) for four months now. My primary reason for taking them was to get the heart healthy Omega-3's, since I don't eat seafood of any kind. When I was considering getting some fish oil (blech, ptooey), I was also looking at some glucosamine, as my knees were kind of bothering me (this was late last year), and I'd heard that glucosamine was good for your joints. Well, I was told by several people that fish oil would help my joints as well as my heart, so that's what I ended up buying. I didn't connect that the fish oil really did anything for my knees, although they did stop hurting. But who knows, maybe they would have stopped hurting anyway...maybe I was just doing some particular exercise that strained them a bit. Long story short (I know, too late) - my knees hadn't been hurting until this week. I blamed it on too much running (which I still think I overdid) but you know what? I've been out of fish oil for about two weeks now. Coincidence? Hmmmmm. I guess I'll find out when I finally remember to get to GNC and buy some more.

Here's another "it's all in your head" thing. I've had some energy products lying around - GU and Clif Shot Bloks to be exact. These are supposed to give you energy during a long run - apparently after about 45 minutes, your glycogen stores are depleted and these sugary substances are a quick way to keep you going. The dieter in me looks at these as 100 calories of pure sugary carbs - and why would I want to waste ingesting 100 calories of a pretty gross substance (seriously, GU is a thick sugary gel) when I am running to burn calories?!? Plus, I've managed to run for 45 minutes several times and haven't keeled over, so really - do I need these?

But, with the duathlon coming up, I knew that I was going to have to have something between the two 5K's to keep me going, so before last Sunday's run, I tried a GU in their Espresso Love flavor - and it was about as oogy as I figured it would be. To mask that taste, I had a couple of the Shot Bloks in their Black Cherry flavor. Now those were good - it was like eating athletic gummy candy...and I am an athlete and need my special athlete's candy (don't I wish this were true)! I washed everything down with a few sips of water and set out for my run. Which started off normal for me - precisely at .13 (yes, just past the first one-tenth of a mile) I wondered what the hell I was doing and how soon I could stop. You might think I'm joking, but sadly, this happens every time I run. As usual, I got past that little self-imposed hurdle and kept on running. And I have to say that it was a great run. I felt really good, even though the humidity was really high and I was sweating like a pig glistening with a healthy glow. Was it the energy gel? I have a hard time believing that it was (we have established that I'm pretty cynical, right?). But let me just say this - tomorrow, before each 5K that I'm going to run, I will be having my athlete's candy - guilt-free - and I will run with unbridled energy! At least, that's the plan.
I think the route for this 5K looks really long - much longer than the other 5K's that I've run. But a 5K is 3.1 miles, so they all have to be the same, right? Here is yet another thing that is all in my head - the idea that this route is so much longer than any other 5K. It's not. I know I'm feeling this way because I have to run it twice. So in that aspect, yes - it is long. But with my candy energy gels, I can do it. I just need to brainwash myself into believing it!

Wednesday Workout Update - Ahhh Edition

Much, much better update this week!

Monday: When I woke up and saw how nice of a day it was, I told Jeff "watch, Linda will have us doing the jump rope outside today" and sure enough, we did - do I know my girl or what?!? Jump rope, mountain climbers and something else that I can't remember (I really should take notes!) - all done outside. It was pretty humid and warm at 8:00 am, but I survived it because...are you ready for this...I wore shorts! And nobody fainted at the sight of my jiggly legs! Amazing how much of a difference that made - glad I finally was able to break that barrier. We did some weight circuits in the gym - among them, deadlifts and thrusters, which are really hard! Also did "hug a tree" with the cable/weight machine - I'm sure both the exercise and the machine have a real name but I can't think of either at the moment. I like doing the "hug a tree" because it feels good to do AND it reminds me to appreciate nature, lol!

Tuesday: Went for a run in my neighborhood all by myself (cue sad lonely music). It sure took a while to psych myself up to do it. At 9:15 am it was 78% humidity but only 70 degrees, so I didn't think it would feel that bad. I was wrong. Sweating beyond any reasonable means. Wonder if I should run with a towel to keep wiping my face down? Side note: finally remembered to take my cell phone with me (safety issue) - put it in the pocket of my gray shorts and never noticed it, so that was good. Side note #2: Gray shorts show butt crack sweat. What was I thinking, buying that color? Oh yeah, that it would look good with my pink shirts. I am such a fashion maven! Distance: Mentally a 10K (was thinking ahead to the duathlon); actually 2 miles.

Wednesday: We did an old-fashioned kind of workout in the gym, with donkey kicks and other things that reminded me of Jazzercise, circa 1992. Concentrated on certain muscle groups - looked easier than it was. But it didn't kill me, and for that I'm grateful, as I have the duathlon this Saturday and already am a little concerned (read: freaking out) about doing two 5K's.

In cardio one person was on the rower, and they had to keep the RPMs at 850 or above until they reached 80 calories, while the rest of us were on machines. Brad got a new spinner bike, which I tried out - it's really nice! Ashley ended up on it while I rode the older one...it was kind of like we were in a race to nowhere, riding side-by-side. Kathleen was on the treadmill and Jenny got the rower (lucky her!). Any time the rower dropped below 850 RPMs, we all had to get off our machines and do 20 squats and 20 push ups. Let me just say that it is really hard to keep that thing going at a certain RPM - I am all over the place with it when I row. Anyway, there were a couple of times when it dropped, but I didn't mind, because doing the squats and push ups gave me a little break from the bike! Later we switched machines for another round, and luckily I never had to do the rower for that game. I will say that someone (and I'm not naming names but it wasn't me) got to sign Brad's famous "puke stick" - if you throw up during a workout, there is a special PVC pipe that will be waiting for your signature. Apparently too much sugar, after a person has been eating really clean, doesn't sit right anymore.

So why is this the WWU - Ahhh Edition? Because I didn't die during this morning's workout. Why? Well, because I didn't go to my Tuesday afternoon workout. Why? (Geez, it's like having a two-year-old around here!) Because my knees were sore, and my calves were sore, and I didn't want to wear my body out too much since I have that duathlon on Saturday. So I chose to stay home, and you know what? I'm glad I did. I had one of the best Wednesday workouts ever, and while I know that it wasn't a killer (read: 20 minutes of burpees) workout, it was hard - but I wasn't worn out before I even started it. So I'm happy with my decision to end the Tuesday workouts. And hey, it's not like I didn't do anything on Tuesday - I did go for a run!

My plan for the rest of the week is REST. I'm not sure why my legs are so sore - too much running? I ran last Tuesday, Friday, Sunday and Tuesday. Maybe that's more than my legs can take - it was quite an increase in miles. I'm just going to do some stretching over the next couple of days, take some Motrin, and wish I had one of these or these. Or a masseuse.

Finally, here's a picture of my running inspiration board - pictures of me, my running buddies, the ad for an upcoming race...all kinds of things that remind me of how much fun I have running - something that I never thought I would be doing!

Love the "before" and "after" of the race pictures - I can see the fear on my face in the "befores" and the absolute joy and relief in the "afters"!

Weekend Wrap Up

Well, things are looking up. Why? I don't rightly know. Maybe the pressure is off? Whatever it is, I'll take it over how I felt for the last couple of weeks!

I had Friday and Saturday off of work, which was nice - I feel like I've gotten a real weekend in. The weather has been wonderful - sunny, highs around 80 - just perfect to sit outside and enjoy an iced tea, or some frozen yogurt (::grin::). We planted some annuals - my favorite, the Moss Rose (or Portulaca), in the walkway in front of our house - they don't look quite this lush yet, but they will, very soon. Grilled dinner both evenings - I'm trying some new foods (chicken andouille sausage, for example) and not counting calories, but eating intuitively. There is less stress and angst at the moment, for which I am grateful.

I am feeling good. I went for a run all by myself on Friday morning at the park I normally run at. I was a little creeped out at the lack of people there - don't know if it was because of the Good Friday holiday, or that it was a little later (9:45 am) in the day - but running through the nearly deserted park wasn't quite as relaxing as it normally is when I have a running buddy, or at least other people around. Couple that, along with some boredom, and I only managed about 2.3 miles. I redeemed myself on Sunday, though - Jeff and I went to the park before 9:00 am and he rode his bike around while I ran - and I managed to get a full 5K (3.1 miles) in, so I felt good about that. Plus the animals were out in full force - I swear, it was like a Disney movie! Squirrels were everywhere, cardinals kept flying in front of me...I even saw a crane down in the creek! Made for an interesting run, that's for sure!

Speaking of running, this was in an article called "A Few Rules To Run By" from Active.com - I love it, and I'm trying to keep it in mind when I run:

Run Like a Dog

My dog, a shepherd mix named Cooper, doesn't care where we are or what time of day it is, or even what the weather is like. He doesn't know what his resting heart rate is and rarely bothers to wear a watch. He just loves to run. And every time he does, his face and his body telegraph one simple message: This. Is. AWESOME. I'm runningrunningrunningrunning! The "Run Like a Dog" Workout (Including Warmup and Cooldown) Walk 8 seconds. Trot 4 seconds. Stop. Sniff. Sprint 7 seconds. Freeze. Walk 5 seconds in any direction but forward. Stare 9 seconds. Lunge at rabbit. Double back, walk 3 seconds. Urinate. Repeat six times. Collapse on rug.

And speaking of dogs (nice segue, dontcha think?), I've been meaning to post these pictures for a while now...before there was Paco the Wonder Dog, we had Jackie - our sweet dachshund. We got her when she was a tiny little thing - maybe eight weeks old? (Forgive my bad memory - this was back in 1992). Anyway, Jackie was a good dog. She grew up with the kids and was always so gentle with them. Everyone loved her, even our cats. Poor Jackie could never get away from them - it's not really in a dachshund's nature to be friends with cats, but they gave her no choice. I give you Exhibit A:

Jackie and new kitten Taz, who just wanted a mother-figure...

...and Exhibit B

Jackie and grown-up Taz, who still loved to cuddle...

...and Exhibit C

Jackie and Pumpkin, who always loved to spoon!

I love these pictures because Jackie always looked so put upon - she would give me this "can't you do something?!?" look, but really, she could have gotten away from the cats if she'd wanted to. Every time I see a picture on Debby's blog of her cute little Sophie, I'm reminded of Jackie. She hasn't been with us for a few years now, but we have a lot of great memories of that little red dog.

So. Another post that has wandered all over the place...if you've managed to stay with it to the end, I thank and applaud you!

Observations and Semi-Deep Thoughts

This is a bit rambling but hopefully mostly coherent. Apologies if it's hard to follow...my thoughts are all over the place right now.

You guys are the best. Seriously, when I wrote my last post, I was in a pretty bad place. I almost hated to hit "publish" because I don't want to be one of those people who loses weight and still isn't happy with herself. Most of the time, I am thrilled with where I'm at - I mean, all I have to do is look at my progress photos and see where I was two years ago. On April 2, 2008 I was about six weeks away from making a major life change. I weighed 256 pounds. I was not active at all, and hated getting dressed each morning. And now, from the outside, I look like a normal-bodied person. I don't think that the first thought when most people see me is "wow, she's huge!" anymore. Unfortunately, as Kelly put it, I sometimes still have my fat glasses on when I look in the mirror.

Age is not a number to me. I've never thought "oh, I'm thirty - I should act this way" or "wow, I'm forty...break out the Geritol" - at whatever age, I'm just me. But maybe I'm slow because I am in my mid-forties. Maybe I should give myself a tiny break. Maybe I should remember that two years ago I couldn't have done a push up, burpee, mountain climber or ran more than ten seconds to save my life. Maybe, just maybe, I should stop comparing myself to others and limit the comparisons to the old me.

And another thing. I've mentioned previously that I was anorexic in high school. The number on the scale was the be-all and end-all to me. I still have issues with numbers "defining" me. It's been 30 years since I went through the hell of anorexia, and obviously I'm still not over it when the scale or a body-fat monitor gives me a number I don't like. Can I let go of the scale once and for all? Can I go through life not knowing my numbers? Does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things, whether I weigh 152 lbs. or 142 lbs.? No. I'm healthy. I've lost 100 pounds and I'm maintaining that loss. In all of my years (and years and years) of dieting, I've never been able to keep the weight off once I lost it. But I am succeeding with that, and I credit the change in my eating habits, along with the exercise.

Some people have to use willpower to not eat certain foods. I have to use my willpower to not step on the scale. To not look at the number on that dumb body-fat monitor when I get measured again at the end of the challenge that we are doing at my gym. To be content with where I am at NOW. If this is the end of the road with regard to losing any more weight, than so be it. If, by virtue of running, I actually lose some more pounds, great. I'll know that's happened if my pants get to be too big. (BTW, Debbie had a great workout idea to smash the monitor with a kettlebell...I think just about everybody who got measured this week would gladly participate in that exercise!)

I have been really worn out by the time Wednesday morning rolls around. Considering that I workout on Monday morning, have been running on Tuesday mornings and then workout on Tuesday afternoon, it's no wonder I'm beat and sore before I even get started on Wednesday. My workouts are loaded in the first part of the week because I work Th/F/S. But enough is enough. I had decided about a month ago to finish out my Tuesday workouts (we go in 12 week cycles) and then not re-up for that one. This way, I can get a good run in on Tuesday morning and be fairly fresh for my Wednesday workout. I think that this will do me a world of good, both physically and mentally. I believe I have one more Tuesday workout left - whew!

I'm still not walking on sunshine, but I am feeling a bit better. And relieved, both at the thought of leaving the numbers game behind, along with the Tuesday workout. I'm off work until next week and have a run planned for this morning - no time frame, just running for fun. Thank you for all of the comments and emails - you can't imagine how much your words have meant to me. Love you all!