Monday, December 30, 2019

A Bitchfest To Close Out 2019

Hi, I'm here to be negative on nearly the last day of 2019, and if you can't be negative at the end of the year, then when can you?  We all know the posts at the beginning of the year are full of optimism and hope, and on Wednesday not only do we get a new year but a NEW DECADE, which I am all for.  So I'm going to put this crap year to a close with a bitchfest, and then I'm going to focus on welcoming 2020 with a positive attitude.  But first, the complaints...and feel free to add yours in the comments; based on what I've witnessed, 2019 hasn't been great for many of us.

Oh, also I guess I should issue a potty mouth warning.  Because FUCK THIS YEAR.  Seriously.

First up, minor things.  My organizational skills that are really quite good in real life have never translated over to the computer very well; hence why you only might catch a few posts that I've attached labels to for search purposes.  Like this year, I labeled the herniated disc posts because I wanted people to be able to find something on the L3/L4 via search engines, as apparently that is one of the lesser-known discs to herniate and therefore hard to find any real-life experiences documented online.

But while that was a success, the fact that I have over a decade of photos on my computer (and backup disc) and have maybe 20 albums labeled and sorted?  Ugh.  I want to kick myself for not getting my shit together with that and every time I try to search for a picture that I know exists SOMEWHERE on my computer, I get so frustrated.  My latest irkedness was when I was looking for the Universal Studios pictures from three years ago, because I wanted to see what had been changed in Krustyland.  Yes I'm talking about The Simpsons area and yes there were changes made and no it's not important but dang it I know I have the pictures of us in the areas where things were different in our last visit and it would be nice to see them but do you think I can find them?  I cannot.

Another organizational issue is that, as longtime readers have seen, I do like to keep up with things, and that includes living with stuff for a while and then changing it up to make it work better.  Take our laundry room cabinets, for example.  When we did the house renovation and got bigger cabinets in there, I set things up how I thought I'd like.  But over the last 18 months I realized some things were too hard to reach (ok basically everything beyond the bottom shelf is hard to reach for this short person), and some things needed to be switched because how often do I reach for a new light bulb?  Answer?  Almost never because except for a few lamps, I can't reach the ceiling to replace them, so that's Jeff's job and he can deal with the higher shelf for the light bulbs.

ANYWAY.  Combine that along with eight months of not doing much because of my stupid herniated disc, and things had fallen into a little bit of disarray.  So a week before Christmas, I had some energy and cleaned my kitchen cabinets and floors, and then moved onto the laundry room.  This is important to note - the energy I have only lasts so long; not sure if it's the anti-seizure medicine side effects or the post-concussion syndrome, but I can be doing ok and then suddenly I am so. very. tired.  I started taking baskets out and putting them on the washer and dryer, both of which were running, when one fell.  No biggie, it was just the medicine.  Then the basket of batteries fell.  Fine fine, I'll get it cleaned up when I clean up the medicine.  Then the basket of glass candle holders fell.  Well that wasn't so fine.  Only two actually broke, which was a miracle considering they all were glass.
Well shit.

I picked up the glass as best I could and then retired to the couch, where I passed out for an hour.  While this was the most damage I've done when my energy level dropped to zero, it wasn't the first time this type of thing has happened.  You'd think I'd know better and oh I don't know, perhaps stop and rest, but no.  Can I blame the concussed brain on this?

Or maybe you can stop chewing your paws so we can stop putting on various cones of shame around your neck?  Obviously this one isn't the safest and we can only use it when we're with him, but when he managed to move it from his neck to his body I'll admit, I laughed for longer than I should have...hence his pissed look.

Also Paco, sorry dude - mama's got her own medical bills to pay so if you could stop doing things to yourself that need veterinary attention, that'd be great.  I'm not saying we won't take you to the doctor when you get sick, but for crying out loud, no more chewing yourself raw, OK?

Good things did happen this year.  Diane's first grandbaby, Oliver, was born, and Logan's little brother Aiden was born, and just before Christmas Mason's little brother Mateo was born!   Allie bought her first house.  Sam has a home theater that rivals Alamo Drafthouse:
Allie's first time seeing it, when we went to Sam's house for Thanksgiving.

However.  This year has been so shitty.  People have died.  I'm writing this ahead of time, but two days ago Jeff and I were in California for a memorial for our brother-in-law.  Best man at our wedding, ended up with a lot of health issues, and he's gone.

My best friend's husband had a massive stroke the week before my back surgery, and it killed me that I wasn't able to be there for her.  He's home now and that's where I am as you read this - after the memorial service in southern California, I flew to northern California to spend a few days with her - we both need this.   She was supposed to fly to Texas in October; we were beyond due for reconnection and bra shopping, so other than those two items, I don't care what else happens during our visit.  Oh wait, I do have one thing on the agenda...more on that in a minute.

Cancer has hit our little Renegade group twice this year.  Heart issues for another Renegade - dammit, isn't exercise supposed to be good for your health??   I screwed up my back by exercising and running.  Between that and now the freaking grand mal seizure, it feels like I was healthier when I weighed over 250 pounds and didn't do anything.  I swear to god you can't win sometimes.  I can't write much more about any of this because it just makes me cry.

Having surgery for the herniated disc didn't end up being the magical quick cure that I'd hoped and while the pain is much less, it's still there when I do certain movements, which is incredibly annoying.  And after meeting with a neurologist and being told that I need to be careful to not take any medications with seizures listed as potential side effects, how nervous do you think I am about ever getting to the point of pain that I was earlier this year because all of the meds I was prescribed listed seizures as side effects.  Side note, that might be why I felt so horrible when I took them.  Just the idea that I might not get pain relief if I need it is scary.  Of course, so is the thought of having another seizure.  At least with the herniated disc, I knew I could do things (like not move) to prevent it from getting worse.

I'm trying to move forward with life, I'm taking the medication as prescribed and I even flew alone, but you guys, I went down without warning in my kitchen and came to without understanding what had happened.  That was out of my control.  I've had several running injuries, and my gallbladder went haywire on me, but I was aware and in control with all of those issues.  This seizure, and the idea that it could happen again because what the hell, it happened once, makes me very nervous.
When somebody gets you...

Recently I told Amanda about my goal for next year - all I want is to do run a race where I get a medal with 2020 on it.  Doesn't have to be a half marathon - even a 5K will do - but I just want something that represents the year.  Well next thing I knew, Jeff came home with a little gift from her - an addition to my medal rack.  Hell's yes I thought this was funny, and hell's yes I want credit for having my first seizure, LOL.  I'm happy if this will be my ONLY seizure, true, but hey - commemorating the first one works for me.

So, goodbye 2019.  Fuck you, fuck off, and just...gah!  Go away.  I'm hoping to send it off with a bonfire on the beach tomorrow evening - if that's even allowed anymore.  But I sure would love to burn this year to the ground tomorrow night.

I suspect I'm not alone in this.


  1. Boy, you certainly have had a year. I can totally sympathize because this is more or less how my 2017 went (people dying, having strokes, me ramming into a building with a U-Haul, to name a few highlights), and you'd better believe I was all aboard the "Fuck this year" train. It really sucks when life decides to keep on shoveling crap on you, as it has this year.

    LOL at the medal from Amanda!! I'm glad that through all of this you still have your sense of humor, that definitely goes a long way.

    I actually LOVE the idea of you sending off 2019 in a blaze! Maybe write down all the shitty things that happened and burn them? Either way, goodbye 2019, and 2020 had better be kinder to you, Shelley!

  2. You were such a trooper during the herniated disc; you took charge; you had surgery. I thought to myself that things were going to get better for you. When you had the seizure (and the concussion), I thought, REALLY? I mean, come on, man! Enough is enough. I hope beyond hope that the black cloud moves away from you!

  3. I am hoping 2020 will be a much better year for you on all fronts!

  4. Shelley, this "year end editorial" gets my 5 star rating!

  5. OMG. You make me laugh. if anyone deserves to bitch about 2019, you do.

    Just think, 2020 has to be better.

  6. What a year you've had. I love Amanda's gift to you! I'm glad you're getting to visit your best friend! This was a great post!!!

  7. My new favorite literary character is Cranky Shelley. :) I'm sorry you had such an awful year - you are due for an amazing 2020 and I hope you get it!!

  8. Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020. Shelley needs you to be a great one!

    You are such a trooper.

  9. Thank you for sharing the good, bad, and ugly with us. I think you should print out a copy of this blog and burn it in the bonfire - lets just get rid of all the bad juju! Then, as soon as you get home, I say sage your house. I know I sound like a hippie but they sell a saging spray now and I have some friends who swear by it lol. I'm here wishing for all good things to come your way in 2020 Shelley!

  10. Here's to bitching out the old year/decade to make room for the awesome new year/decade!! Made me laugh about HOW you listed all the sucky things, not AT the sucky things, because they truly are the suckiest. But I have to say the thing that I laughed out loudest about (at my desk, yes, I'm supposed to be working) was that photo of Paco - I couldn't figure out what the heck his new toy was. Beach floatie? Donut pillow? Poor Paco, but yeah, that's pretty darn funny. Hoping that 2020 brings nothing but all the awesome to you and yours, Shelley :-)

  11. Oops, I think the internet ate my comment! :(

    I am so sorry about your brother-in-law and your BF's husband's stroke. What a shitty way to cap off a shitty year! UGH! I really hope 2020 is not such a freaking mess. And you are gonna get that medal!

    My 2019 was crappy, of my own fault. I plan to take better care of me in 2020!

  12. AAAAARGH!!!!!! Yes, 2019 stunk to high heaven, particularly for you. 2020 WILL be better!!

  13. I have been there with the photos. Both hardcopy and digital. Thousands, unorganized. I am writing to say it is possible to catch up. Working on it regularly/steadily and it is possible to get it all filed/identified/findable/backed up to several places. And then maintained. Very worthwhile and pleasantly distracting project.

    And I have been there with the major health issues both for myself and two of my three kids. It is very tough. We had a 2014 and 2015 with one of my daughters like you just had a 2019. It is harder when it is one of your kids. But it is hard no matter what. I hope your health levels off and you can build a new normal that feels like a full life to you. It does not have to be the same. It just needs to feel good to you.

  14. Completely agree, 2019 was shit. Very best wishes for 2020 and I am off to google the saging spray that Helen suggested.

  15. I share the sentiments about 2019. It was a rough year! Good riddance! I love the seizure medal and certainly hope it is your ONLY one!


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