Monday, March 12, 2012

Faux Cranky Old Lady

(This is written tongue-in-cheek, as I do not seriously believe that I'm A) Cranky; B) Old; or C) a Lady.  Wait, scratch that last one - I can be a lady when I need to (and does anyone else hear Jerry Lewis screeching "hey lady!" in their head when I write the word "lady"?).  But some days, I swear I've morphed into a Cranky Old Lady, so I thought I'd share and see if I have any Cranky Companions out in blogland.)

There are some things that I get a little cranky about.  Things that make me feel like shaking my fist while simultaneously tucking my Kleenex back into my sleeve as I yell at the neighborhood hooligans to get off my lawn.  Really, it's not actions that bother me, it's money.  Big ticket items don't usually do it - I expect some things to be expensive.  Most often, it's cost of the smaller stuff that bugs me.  And I discovered that I'm not alone - a couple of weeks ago, my pool buddy Nancy and I went on a verbal tear as we kickboarded up and down the pool, ranting (and laughing at our cranky selves), as we bemoaned the things that aggravate us. 

One thing that makes my Cranky Old Lady come out is the cost of postage stamps.  Stamps!  Back in the olden days (read: the early 1970s), I remember that it cost me (well, really my mother as she was the one who actually bought the stamps) eight cents to mail a letter.  By the time I'd gotten a pen-pal, it cost 10 cents for a stamp.  Once I became an adult and had to buy my own stamps, I got a little stingy with them...god forbid anyone ask for a stamp from my stash without a very good reason.  Bill paying made me extra cranky, because not only was I having to write out checks to pay bills(!), but I had to use a stamp to mail each bill(!!) - I cannot tell you how happy I've been ever since online bill pay became available.  No check writing, and no stamps!  Also, the "Forever" stamps make a difference to me, because there is no monetary amount on them...somehow not seeing that number helps me to forget how much I'm spending to mail something.  Don't get me started on the cost of cards now, either - just know that if you ever receive a store-bought card from me, IN THE MAIL,'re someone very special.  Jeff thinks that I am insane when it comes to stamps and tries to keep his own stash on hand, so he can mail something without getting the third degree from me.  I's quite unreasonable, my issue with stamps.

And another thing that bugs me is the cost of a locker at my gym.  I haul a huge tote bag crammed with swim fins, a kickboard, swim paddles, goggles, swim cap, ear plugs, lap counter, towel, shampoo, makeup and clothes into the gym every time I go swimming.  It would be nice to leave most of that stuff in a locker, so I checked to see how much more it would cost each month to add a locker to my gym rate.  Do you know, they wanted nearly $10 extra A MONTH???  That's ridiculous, right?  Of course I didn't get one - I'll keep schlepping my big bag of crap to and from the car.  But here's where my Cranky Old Lady is not doing me any favors - I'll be damned if I'm going to pay THAT MUCH for a locker, but I have no problem getting an iced latte from Starbucks several times a month, on my way home from swimming.  Which adds up to more than the cost of the locker.  But I need want my treat after swimming!  My priorities amaze even me sometimes.

Nancy confessed that she turns into a Cranky Old Lady when she has to pay for parking.  Especially when going to a doctor's office - not even a hospital, mind you, but a regular doctor visit.  Now, she used to live in Houston and that's where she encountered that issue - luckily we don't have very many "pay" parking areas in our little town, except for on the campus of A&M.  But yeah, I totally get her crank about paying for parking - because usually you're going to spend money by either shopping (or paying the doctor), and that extra charge to park just seems wrong.

What about you - what turns you into a Cranky Old Lady?  C'mon, spill - I can't be the only one out here with these crazy pet peeves!


  1. these days I feel as tho I SPEND ALL DAY shouting "hey you punks get off my lawn" whilst wragging my cane :-)
    Id be better challenged to say what doesnt turn me in to a cranky misfit.
    Im going with SPRING BREAK!!

  2. I live in an apartment complex and the 3 things that really turn me into a cranky old lady are (1) people who don't pick up after their dogs, (2) people who don't know how to park correctly (HELLO? See those lines? Stay WITHIN them!), and (3) the jerks downstairs who hang out in front of the building playing cornhole...all we ever hear is slap, slap, slap. I really do shake my fist. And promptly feel like I'm Clint Eastwood in Grand Torino.

  3. The first paragraph really made me giggle, thanks for adding some laughter to my quiet house this morning! I work in the worst possible place for a Cranky Old Lady- a middle school for 5th to 9th graders! On certain days, those teenagers (yes, the same ones we bellow at to get them off our lawns :) ) can instantly turn me into the crankiest of cranky old ladies! They just as often make me smile, but hey, we're talking cranky right now! :)

  4. Lately the price of fuel and the ever increasing price of groceries has made the crankiest. It's not like we have a choice either - have to fill the car to get to work and of course, Mr. Helen wants to eat ;)

  5. I KNOW I have some, but can't think of them at the moment. I mean, we all dislike the price of stuff these days, but I was trying to think of the ones like you listed; the ones that I can really barely manage without grumbling to myself.. I might be back with those.
    BUT, I did want to say that the "tissue in the sleeve" made me laugh, I had a grandmother who did that. :) And you being so possessive & protective of your stamps with Jeff made me giggle out loud.

  6. Absurd that you have to pay for a locker at your gym. That should be included in your membership.

    I get a grumpy old woman about the absurd high prices of gas. And the fact that "because of the recession" (that's what the government tells us) everything costs more, including taxes, but my salary doesn't grow equally.

    Oh and yesterday I was at a birthday party and at one time almost everyone (including the grown ups) was playing with their stupid Iphones. Come 'on that's so inpolite when you're visiting somewhere. People who use their phone all the time everywhere make me even more grumpy.

  7. Paying for AIR at the gas station brings out my inner cranky old lady. It's AIR! And of course you can't purchase just enough to put in your tire, you jave to get a whole .50 cents worth, and to add to the cranky, I'd rather run out what's left than for someone to come behind me and get some the air I paid for for free. (Oh, wow.. that looks petty and vincictive when I read it..) :)

  8. Oh, the air thing does make me cranky. It's .75 cents here in Phoenix. Almost a dollar and you have to have the quarters too. You make me laugh about the latte - locker trade off. It is funny how we prioritize things.

    Great post. Made me smile

  9. Oh - I can get cranky at the littlest things! My list of pet peeves is huge:(

  10. I am the cranky old lady who yells at drivers down my street to slow down - never in a million years did I think I would do that!

    And I love how you can justify the Starbuck's vs. the locker cost!

  11. LOL,well you know I"m a cranky old lady since I just wrote about it.

    The stamp bit really made me laugh, esp. Jeff keeping his own stash so he can mail something without getting the third degree from you.

    Oh, Fran reminded me of what makes me turn into Super Cranky Old Lady. The iphones. The people walking around with their hands in that position (thumb typing?) THE PEOPLE WHO ANSWER THEIR PHONES while we are having lunch. THE TEXTING while at work or while pretending to be listening to me. Aaaargh. I need to take a BP pill just thinking about it.

  12. Families that grocery shop together and let young children run wild in the aisles. Last week there was a 6 year old pushing the cart who managed to block one aisle for several minutes. Cranky old lady that I am, I went to the opposite side of the store and did my shopping "backwards."

  13. LOL. John and I call it "old man yelling at cloud" syndrome we get cranky.

    I get cranky when I see people disobeying rules of the road while biking because it ruins it for the rest of us that do because drivers hate the bikers.

    I get crabby when the grocery bagger tries to put all our groceries into 1 recyclable bag when we bring 4 of them (which happened yesterday). I may lift, but I am not going to drag one bag of groceries along the ground.

    And I get *really* crabby when someone is talking so loud on their cellphone at a restaurant that I can't even here the person sitting across from me, and now I know way more about that stranger than I had ever hoped to.

  14. Stuff that makes me cranky:

    People who, while walking in areas where a lot of other people are also walking, stop unexpectedly without getting out of the way and/or when people stop at the top or bottom of escalators to get their bearings. Oh, and people who walk in the middle of the driving areas in parking lots. Move to the side a step or two!!

    When I have to schlep a lot of stuff and my purse (or other bag) falls off my shoulder. Having to make more than one trip when schlepping also makes me cranky.

    People who throw their butts and other garbage out their car windows and into our yard (or just in general).

  15. Stuffing the kleenex back in the sleeve made me snort!! I can most definitely turn into Cranky Old Lady at the snap of a finger. I get the stamp thing - that's why I don't send out Christmas cards anymore!! Too dang expensive!

    I really turn cranky when faced with bad customer service. I mean how hard is it to say hello and act pleasant for a few seconds?

  16. You are so funny Shelley! I think we all have cranky moments. Mine is the parking by my office. I work with 70 people. There are 2 village lots on either side of my office which you can buy a parking pass...$200.00 per quarter (yes - it would cost you $800.00 a year to park to go to work!). And, there is a waiting list. Option 2). Feed the meter for 1.5 hours (you can't park longer than that because it's right next to a commuter train and they don't want people to park there all day). So you pay $1.00 to park for 1.5 hours, then when that's up, you can move your car THREE blocks away (and you can't park there until after 10:00 a.m.) and then you can leave it there all day. That's why I walk or ride my bike or get dropped off - too much hassle! Isn't that insane?

  17. Love this Shelley. I think we all become a bit crankier as we get older. Which makes us less of a lady...
    What makes me cranky? Loud cell phone talkers ("While I'm standing in line at the grocery store, I really don't care to hear how many poops your dog had today sir" - seriously, I DID hear that converation on the weekend) - and also REALLY annoying ring tones ("do you REALLY need to "bust a move" when your son calls??") people who get a LITTLE too close into my personal space ("if I can hear you breathing, you're too close." And when I'm cranky, that even applies to my husband! :) ), when my umbrella flips inside out (here in Vancouver, that happens a fair amount) and when you are watching tv, and the commercials come on WAY louder than the show itself. Actually, the louder thing doesn't make me as cranky as it makes my husband, but hearing him curse EVERY time...makes me cranky. Other than when the above happen...I'm a freakin' ray of sunshine. HA! So not..
    I can get very very cranky too. Have a great Monday Shelley, may your crankiness be minimal!!!! I hope the length of this ranting comment doesn't make you cranky. :)

  18. So funny! I don't even know what stamps cost, because, as you say, they don't put the price on them. I got cranky today at the grocery store because all I was buying was a bunch of bananas and the self checkout machine kept giving me error messages. I was ready to forget the bananas and leave! It shouldn't be so hard to buy bananas.

  19. I've been out of the loop for a while and just read some of your older glad to see you back to running again...woohoo!!!

  20. lolol...I got a little cranky at a Reebok outlet this weekend. They had a deal: buy one pair of shoes get a second pair 50% off. I could not find a second pair of shoes and, gosh darned, I was NOT going to pay $49.97 (for a $100 pair of shoes) if I couldn't get a second pair half off. How crabby is that?? AND furthermore....I found a cool pair of 2# wrist weights priced at $5.99 on a display that had a sign that said 40% off. So I was going to buy the weights, but they rang up regular price. Apparently the 40% off was only for the dumb backpacks on the same display. Since I was already crabby about the shoes I walked out w/o purchasing anything. Upon further contemplation, I realize the wrist weights were probably a really good deal at $5.99 and I really liked those shoes. Now I am kicking myself for not buying either of them. Unfortunately its a two hour drive back to that outlet! grumble, grumble, complain, complain....

  21. As I wrote in my last post, I really don't like "springing ahead" at least this time of the year. I was just getting to enjoy seeing the sun in the morning when getting out of bed, but now we're back in the dark again. So far my sleep pattern is disrupted, and I can get just a bit cranky. I also don't need daylight after 8 or 8:30 p.m. It just makes me feel like I should be doing "something," even when I don't want to. Very frustrating for this old lady...

    I also got really cranky when I read about the pink slime in hamburger! I'm a bit finicky anyway, so this really tripped my "cranky mode." I don't think I'll ever eat hamburger again. What makes this OK? I suppose money--because as they say, it talks, you know.

    I also get cranky when I'm placed on hold for an interminable period of time waiting for a representative. I finally hung up after an hour just a couple of days ago.

    And last, but not least, a disappointing weight on the scale can make me quite cranky--mostly at myself. Unfortunately, my husband has to live with me.

  22. I get cranky when the cashier at Target tells me I'm just shy of the $50 minimum to use my $5.00 off coupon. So I throw a bunch of gum on the belt. But because he already subtracted my other coupons, he won't honor the damn coupon because I'm under $50 again. Trust me he came within an inch of his life when he pulled this.

  23. Woman, you are NOT old. Simply not possible. I mean, we're semi-twins, so that would mean that I am ol-- no, as I said, not possible.

  24. This geriatric pregnancy has *really* brought out the curmudgeon in me! What do new parents do these days? What are all these stupid tests for? Do people really buy this crap? When did cloth diapering start requiring a degree in physics and business administration? Not to mention costing twice as much as disposables. Why do young girls these days think it's a good idea to try to conceive WHILE planning a wedding? Are they stupid? I mean, I was stupid enough to do that on accident, but I sure as heck wasn't stupid enough to do it on purpose!!! Why can't anyone cook anymore? Why are there 67 vaccines on the vaccine schedule? What do you mean I have to put my baby on her back? When I was a mom the other time, that was certain death! And now all the children have flat heads. Would they please stop messing with the time and just leave it at Daylight Savings Time year round? I have an endless list of complaints.


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