Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Losing Weight and Feeling...Guilty?

I know this is going to sound strange...but since my June 1st weigh in for Ang's Summer Challenge, I have lost A LOT of weight without having to work all that hard at it. Like 15 pounds. And I feel kind of guilty. It shouldn't be this easy. Shoot, it HASN'T been this easy for over a year! But weirdly, the pounds are disappearing without a lot of effort, struggle and pain...everything that I am accustomed to when it comes to weight loss!

Don't get me wrong - I am happy to see such a huge change in my size and on the scale. But it freaks me out at the same time - like I don't deserve to see such a big loss since I haven't been starving myself, or working out to excess. I've said it before and I'll say it again - with me, losing weight is mostly a mental thing. It was when I was in high school and starved myself down to 82 pounds, and it is today when I choose to feed my body healthy food.

So what have I been doing different since the beginning of June? Well, obviously my gall bladder attacks and subsequent trying to prevent further attacks have changed my eating a bit. I have avoided grease like it's the plague! I haven't had red meat (not even a hamburger, which I was enjoying about once a month) - and except for some pork tenderloin on our anniversary, I've only eaten chicken.

I pretty much have a big salad for dinner every night filled with all kinds of veggies, fruit, nuts and half an avocado, along with some grilled chicken on top.

I stopped limiting myself on the amount of fruit I eat per day, and went through a ton of fresh cherries, strawberries, blueberries, watermelon - really, whatever looked good at the store, I bought and ate it. I've even perfected my fruit smoothie - 2 cups of frozen fruit to 1 cup of water, blended - yum!

I still eat my Fage/berries/Kashi Golean Crunch for breakfast just about every day. Sometimes I'll have a Luna bar and fruit for lunch, sometimes I'll make a fancier version of my faux egg mcmuffin (using a real egg and 1/2 a slice of pepperjack cheese instead of eggbeaters and fat-free American cheese) if I'm really hungry. I snack on raw almonds. And I have two(!) Dove dark chocolate Promises almost every night after dinner.

Except for the past week, I've worked out three days each week with Brad and Linda, and usually got in a good bike ride 3 - 4 evenings every week.

I just realized something. This is what I DO. Without really thinking, planning (ok, I have to plan some in order to have fresh food in the house and clean clothes to wear to workout), putting it off or fighting it. I think I unconsciously declared a "cease-fire" with myself without realizing it until today. Wow. This has been a really enlightening post to write. Thanks for coming along for the ride with me!


  1. You know, I feel like I've had a bit of the same experience. I was stalled for about a month and then I started dropping again and I feel sort of suprised about it because I'm not working as hard as I was when plateaud. Weird stuff. I am feeling very slightly panicked because my 14s are getting loose and that means I have to go the Regular Store and they don't seem to deal in clothes for small-waisted, big-bootied women. Avenue understands me, y'know?
    Am I Really That Fat?

  2. Congratulations! You have graduated from Diet Mentality School. :)

    This is fantastic. Hey, could you send over some of that weight loss mojo over here? Thanks.

    You know, the Texas heat may have something to do with it. You're probably melting. LOL

    Seriously though. Congratulations. You are doing awesome.

  3. I want to be just like you when I grow up... or I guess... slim down.

    Congrats, it sounds like you have a healthy relationship with food. We all strive for that.

  4. It's just nature's way of rewarding you for all those times when the weight DIDN'T fall off. hee

    You are doing great.

  5. That's great news! I hope to meet you around that bend some day soon.

    I have that same feeling like if I could just let go of some of this stress I'd be able to lose a lot more. It phsyically feels like it's holding on to me with two hands (or maybe that's just the teen).

    Keep it up and send a little of it my way, would you?

  6. Well good! Keep it up if it's working and it's easy! Yay! :)

  7. fantastic news!!! You are an AMAZING inspiration on all fronts! :)

  8. Your post reminded me of stories you hear about when people stop looking for a partner, they end up getting married or people who give up trying to have a baby suddenly become pregnant. Maybe some of us (ME!) would be more successful if we stopped obsessing about it and just started living it. Thanks for that Shelley!!

  9. So, what you are saying is, your perception has changed. What you now think of as not working out much at all, is really working quite a lot and what used to be a struggle, diet-wise is normality.

    What a revelation - you so deserve that 15lb!

  10. It is TRULY your way of life now...that is really, really great.

    I need to try that breakfast, I am really struggling with that.

  11. Sounds like the things you've been doing day-in and day-out have become a habit. Congrats on breaking new ground!

  12. Fantastic - you are now "living" the life without as much of the effort it is in the beginning. I aspire to be like that one day :)

  13. I used to feel guilty too, when I would loose without too much effort.

    Then you did your eating intuitively post. I haven't felt guilty since!

    I don't really think about it anymore. I am on healthy eating auto pilot right now. It feels AWESOME.

  14. You feel a little guilty because you're losing weight and not having to try...hmm, sounds to me like your mind is used to trying. You don't feel like you're working your bootie off because it's just what comes natural to you now. THAT is a huge accomplishment! You've made a diet a lifestyle and that's great! :)

  15. I remember when I turned the corner in my mind from feeling like food controlled me, to feeling in control of food, and still loving it!

    I'm glad you are feeling so much better, and even happier about your lifestyle change!

  16. I'll have what she's having!!

    Way to go Shelly -- no guilt allowed. You have earned every pound. 'Member the tears with those jumpy-step things?? :-)

  17. How awesome!!! Congrats on finding the healthy mentality. :o)

  18. Great post Shelley! It is your lifestyle now, not a diet! :D

  19. I have been stuck at the same weight for a little over a month now and I'm getting frustrated. I would still like to lose another 10 lbs. I still have to MAKE myself run a lot of days but it has been almost 4 months of running and I can see that it is starting to turn into something that is just part of who and I and not something I am trying to FORCE myself into, which is a good thing.

  20. I sooo want to be you and graduate from Diet Mentality School, too. (Love that, Kelly). Some days I can, some days I can't. Right now I'm in a cycle of can't. *bfer* What is it about being on the road that makes me so diet crazy?

    And when did this become all about me? See how I work? ugh.

    I'm glad you're feeling better and writing coherently :) I thought of you when I discovered the Whole Foods just a few miles from my BIL in Houston. You made that happen, didn't you?

  21. I like how you likened keeping fresh food in the house to having clean clothes to wear. They both fall under the category of taking care of ourselves and our families, yet we so often think one is important, and not the other. In reality, they are just things we have to do like brushing our teeth, bathing, eating, using the bathroom - all things we wouldn't normally avoid. But exercise and taking the time to prepare good food? How long have we made excuses that we are too busy, don't know how, don't have time, etc.
    When we start viewing these activities as regular, normal, everyday, it falls into place.


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