Hello my bloggy friends. I've called all of you together to let you in on my news...of course, you may have already guessed, based on the picture I posted on last Wednesday's post. That one was the best I could come up with. What I really saw? Well, let's just say that while I wasn't happy, I also wasn't surprised. Apparently nearly two months of not running, coupled with worry and stress and chocolate, have combined to give me a spare tire around my stomach. Not surprising, as that was the last place that I lost weight, so it only makes sense that it was the first place to return.
When I put on that running outfit and took a picture, I realized that I had not been following something I've preached for the last couple of years - namely, wear clothes that fit. I have one pair of jeans - well, two really, but one pair that I love, so I only wear them when I'm going somewhere. And since I'm not working, I have days when I don't go anywhere. What was I wearing in the meantime? Stretchy elastic in the form of cozy warm sweats or yoga pants. Layers of souvenir race cotton t-shirts, my purple puffy down vest, a fleece top. Thick socks. Hey, it was winter, I was cold, and comfort ruled. Yeeaahhh, kind of a mistake. Now don't get me wrong - my jeans still fit. But. They are definitely tighter than they were when I bought them. And I can't blame it on dryer shrinkage, because I hang them to dry.
It started with my ankle injury, and the fear and frustration that went along with watching my plans for my half marathons disappear. Chocolate helped. Adding toppings to my frozen yogurt - something I NEVER did, also helped. Who knew mini dark chocolate chips would be so good on cherry frozen yogurt? Never mind the gummi bears (I don't understand that one either). Then the news of my mom's cancer came. Holy blindside, Batman! That was something I honestly never thought I would have to face. The next few weeks were a combination of tears and chocolate. When I would write an email to someone updating them on my mom, my emotions would be so overwhelming that I oftentimes would have to stop and go eat a piece of chocolate. Or a cookie. And that helped - momentarily, at least. Sometimes that's all you can do, is get through to the next moment. But things have gotten better. And while I know that chocolate cannot cure cancer (nor can See's Candies, no matter what Janell says, lol), it does help me deal with the out-of-my-control things that are going on.
So. What's next? Well, it started with walking. I'm treating walking like I did running, with a schedule during the week, and then a longer walk on the weekend. I do really well with an exercise routine. I'm eating food that is good for my body - I like the way I feel when I have a diet with a lot of fresh fruit, big salads, Greek yogurt and whole grains - and since I'm not running, I don't need to be eating pasta, pretzels or bagels at the moment. Hopefully with walking off calories, eating right, and not adding any "hunger" calories (from running), this will get me back to where I was, although I think to get back to my absolute lowest (which is where I was last summer), I'd really have to diet, and I'm not quite in that mindset - yet, anyway.
I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs...but as you can see from my "before" pictures, I do, indeed, do food. And while I've been able to get it under control over the last couple of years, the fact remains that I have a lot of practice in using food to solve my problems - or at least make me feel better, temporarily. It is what it is - I'm not a failure. But I've been down this road too many times in the past to not take note and do something, now, before it gets away from me.
You will notice that I haven't talked about a specific number on the scale. That's because I haven't weighed myself. Why should I? I can see what I've done - I don't need anything to make me feel worse. This is what works for me...it may not be for everyone, not knowing a specific number, but it's a form of self-preservation at the moment. This is not an "oh my gosh, I look so horrible" post - rather, it's a wake up call - and I'm listening.