Monday, February 10, 2014

I Was Expecting More...

A few weeks ago, after we'd completed the USA Fit Half Marathon, we stopped at Red Robin for our standard out-of-town, post-race meal.  Burger and bottomless steak fries - deeelicious.  Only this time, I ordered a Monster Milkshake to split with Jeff.  Now, I could not tell you the last time I've had a milkshake - it's probably been at least five or six years.  So while I see these on the menu, and I might have a fleeting "that looks good" thought, I don't order one - milkshakes are not my treat of choice, obviously.  But after talking about Red Robin milkshakes for a lot of those half marathon miles, well...it was going to happen.  And it did:
Strawberry shake - the whip cream and sprinkles were a surprise addition.

When the waitress set our shakes on the table, I swear my brain was thinking that's IT??? at the same instant Jeff was saying something like I'm glad we didn't get our own, these are big, and as I processed this, I began to realize that just when I think I'm pretty set in my healthy ways with this no-longer-new lifestyle, the old me pops up to say a greedy hello.

The shake tasted great, but...I was expecting a huge shake.  Yes, this was split into two glasses (normally you would get a glass like what's shown plus the additional shake in a metal tumbler, but our waitress offered to do two glasses when she heard that we were splitting it).  Yes, it was PLENTY for me.  But I wanted more.  I wanted excess.  I wanted a MONSTER MILKSHAKE, regardless of whether or not I needed that much dessert (I did not).  This was not post-half marathon hunger talking;  rather, this is my mindset, even after nearly six years of changing my life by losing over 100 pounds.  I still, sometimes, want large portions of food.

This is why I still measure out certain things.  Why I am on auto-pilot for most of my meals.  Why I don't even consider ordering dessert after a restaurant meal most of the time.  Why I split treats with Jeff.  Because going back to my old ways seems normal.  That milkshake didn't look huge to me.  Despite all of the changes I've made since 2008, deep down, I'm the same person who ate my way to 256 pounds...and that person, if unleashed, could do some fast damage.  I guess instead of expecting more from food, I need to expect more from myself.

28 comments:

  1. such an interesting point!!!!!! and great illustration of perspective too. I am totally an intuitive eater----EXCEPT FOR PISTACHIOS.
    I have to count those suckers out into a serving as I possess no ability to intuitively STOP.

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  2. Okay this milkshake proves that portions in the US are bigger.

    Because I see that glass and think: that's what we get here too when we order a milkshake, this is normal size in Holland. Then I read you usually get the additional shake in a metal tumbler. And that's something that never will happen here. I honestly don't see the point in the additional shake either, it's actually 2 servings then for the price of 1.

    I think that we all will keep having trouble with food if you have had overweight once. But as long as we eat healthy most of the times something nice like a milkshake doesn't do any harm.

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    1. Yes, U.S. portions tend to be ridiculously large - more bang for the buck, I guess. It certainly does not help with weight control and/or eating a realistic portion size, that's for sure.

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    2. One more reason for you to visit me for a couple of weeks :) Double bonus: normal portions and seeing me :)

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  3. I'm glad you got the milkshake - things like that are fun to have once in a while. Funny how the 256 pound woman jumps out when you least expect it, isn't it?

    Being married to someone who has always been normal weight, I often use him as a guide to see if my inner fat girl is trying to take over. Because if my husband is saying that's a lot of food, I need to pay attention to that!

    BTW I forget all the time that's how much you used to weigh, so even if your heavier brain goes into gear, the rest of us just don't see you that way :)

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    1. I'm glad that you don't see that 256-pound woman, because I still sure do!

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    2. You and I should exchange glasses then. :D

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  4. My brain remembers all the years of obesity minded eating and habits....and while I think I sometimes have those thoughts eradicated....they pop up when least expected! My issue is when I'm rushed at a restaurant....I'll just order and then when the food comes just slap my forehead because it's SOOO what I used to order and not what I order now.

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  5. Food as a reward…I am working on that too. You earned that milkshake! It should have been bigger!!! Agh, and that's how the pounds get put back on.

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  6. " instead of expecting more from food, I need to expect more from myself"

    I love that very last sentence and I'm going to use it as my mantra from now on. Deep stuff there Shelley! :)

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  7. You know I get this. I still have trouble traveling and eating out and wanting ALL THE FOOD, all in one weekend. Silly. But its still there.

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    1. Yep - like we'll never get the opportunity to eat that item again. Sigh...

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  8. Thanks for sharing this, Shelley! I totally understand this feeling, probably because my "new" healthy self has only been around for a couple years.

    The old me just peeked out on Friday night when we went to our neighborhood short-order place for dinner. They give you enough fries to fill an entire dinner plate (I know because I dumped mine out on a plate), and Bob noticed me painstakingly trying to finish every last fry. I knew it was WAY too many fries, but geez were they good. But finally he reminded me that I didn't have to eat them all. Duh, of course I don't, and I'd normally cut myself off, but I really wanted to just that once.

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    1. It's tough when our former selves arise, and moreso when you know you're going down that path but just don't care.

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  9. Isn't it crazy how our old eating habits are always just waiting in the wings ready to make an entrance again? So crazy. I think for us we will always have to be on guard, because we know if given the slightest chance, we'd be eating milk shakes every day.

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  10. I could SO relate to this! Sometimes for me there is no "enough."

    And I honestly thought the same thing when I saw the milkshake picture--too small!. If I'd decided to have a shake I'd have felt "deprived" too, even though having the shake itself was not something I'd normally do!

    My gal will often say she is "too full for dessert" and I look at her like she is an alien from another universe. I have never in my entire life been too full for dessert. (Even after I've eaten dessert already!)

    Some day, if I can save up a billion or so calories for an experiment, I'd love to find out if I could eat so much dessert that I really couldn't eat another bite. Because it doesn't ever seem to happen in real life!

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    1. If you ever do that experiment you need to livestream it so we can live vicariously though you!

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  11. What a great post. I thank you for sharing this. Because where you wanted to be, is where I am, and have been for years, with always wanting more, and it encourages me to know that I can get to a healthy place, and manage these thoughts when they pop up!

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    1. And that's it - they are manageable, for sure - but still surprising, because I know better.

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  12. I had a similar experience with pizza cheese last week. When I saw how much (or how little, it seemed at the time) the fellow put on it, I almost said something. And then I realized that what he'd used was appropriate. My eyes were the ones insisting that there needed to be more.

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    1. I like going to Papa Murphy's because they do measure out the toppings. But sometimes, I think they could add a smidge more. Which no, it doesn't need! I get what your eyes were seeing, I definitely do.

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    2. Cheese is my downfall. Seeing what one ounce looks like is so disheartening to my eyes, and yet when it melts on my homemade pizza, it tastes like more. In addition to my eyes, my stomach tries to tell me I'm not satisfied ENOUGH. What's with that? This has been a recent observation, and most likely because I've gotten away from planning a meal to eating on the fly.

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  13. Just look at it as Red Robbin trying to help you with your self control! I hardly ever order milkshakes at a restaurant so I don't remember how they are served.

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    1. Sure, they serve me bottomless fries but a normal size milkshake?? What's up with THAT?!? ;)

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  14. OH, I can so relate. I've been eating healthier for a long time, but bingeing is still an option, and I hate it! Maybe someday I can leave it all together.

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  15. Yes! That's exactly what I would have thought about the milkshake too. I've lost a similar amount of weight as you did and I've kept most of it off for 3 years. But, there are still many times when I just want to sit down and EAT. I've told the people in my WW meeting that I would have no problem downing an entire pizza in one sitting and they don't believe me. But, I know I could and that's why I rarely order pizza.

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  16. What is it about portion sizes in the US? Some portions are just huge while others could be doubled. I remember when I had cousins visiting from Germany and they commented on the sizes of our meals. One cousin ordered a banana split expecting it to as huge as the photo on the menu and when it came out it was so tiny that he was really disappointed. Must be those "ice cream" desserts that are being shortchanged!

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