Monday, February 6, 2012

Scared Straight

...or at least, back on the path, anyway.

So cupcakes.  They've been slow in coming to my town - don't ask me why, as you'd think a town full of college students would be a great market.  I guess maybe the plethora of frozen yogurt places intimidated the cupcakeries?  I digress.  Backstory is that along with the cupcake cruiser (aka food truck) that you can find around here, we now have a new cupcake place.  I drove by (and made note of) it every day on my way home from my seasonal job.  Now, cupcakes aren't my first choice when it comes to treats - frozen yogurt has my heart - but I'll admit, the gourmet ones look verrry appealing.  And while I very easily could have stopped at the cupcake place, bought one, crammed it in my mouth and then driven home like nothing happened, I didn't do that.  Because I am not the same person I was a few years ago.  (Yes, the old me would have done something like that...I'm not proud of it, but hey, you don't get to be 256 pounds by sharing your food!)

For some reason, Jeff was on a really healthy eating kick right after Christmas, and I knew that if I asked him to go with me to the cupcakerie, he'd hem and haw and what I wanted was enthusiasm.  Cupcakes!!!  Come on!!!  Luckily (for me), he ended up having to go out of town while Max was still home on break, so I corralled Max to go with me one evening after dinner.  I just wanted to get one and split it, but I wanted to have it guilt-free.  And what better accomplice than your (adult) child?

We walked in.  The place was clean and bright, very appealing.  We approached the cupcakes, and something happened that almost stopped me dead in my tracks.  The person working there?  Was as large as the old me.  It was like looking in the mirror - while she was a nice person, very friendly and welcoming - I got an instant flashback of who I used to be.  And why this me, the person who lost a lot of weight and has been (mostly) maintaining that loss, doesn't eat this kind of food very often. 

Now, I'm not being a fat-hater.  Far from it...if she is happy with herself, then that's awesome.  I had several years where I decided that I would just accept being overweight and really enjoyed my (limited, I know now) life - I was the person who ate with abandon, didn't feel any guilt over not dieting, never exercised at all, enjoyed shopping for (bigger and bigger sized) clothes at Lane Bryant - it was fun.  I eventually made the decision to give dieting one last try because I was tired of feeling crummy, but that was a personal thing and not a declaration that everyone in the world must lose weight.

Anyway, we did split a cupcake (peanut butter and chocolate with peanut butter frosting and chocolate ganache filling) and it was ridiculously good.  So good, in fact, that I do not plan on going back there anytime soon - because I got a scary reminder of who I used to be, and who I could very easily become again, if I'm not careful.  I still drive by the cupcake place fairly often, but I have to admit, it no longer has the allure that it did before I went there a month ago.  And yes, I do think part of it is because I got a glimpse of my former self...and I don't want that person to reappear.

25 comments:

  1. there seem to be a million cupcake trucks and airstreams popping up here, too.
    and I love how you have found what works for YOU shelley.

    knowing you freakin loved the cupcake and LOVED SO MUCH you dont wanna go back.

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  2. That was so well written and hit me at the core.

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  3. Luckily for me we don't have many cupcakes stores here, there are a few in the big cities but I never go to the big cities :)

    This is a very good post Shelley, you made a choice for yourself to be healthy and you want to stick to it and that's great.

    I never judge people that are overweighted, everybody has to live their life how they want it. I don't like my own overweight and that's what I'm working on.

    I do hope though that you will go back every now and then to the cupcake store and treat yourself to one because you can and you may do that.

    Now I'm looking forward to Wednesday's post because I can't wait to hear about your running club last Saturday. Hope it went great for you.

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  4. I have no idea why the cupcake phenomenon has managed to not ping my interest radar, but I feel lucky for it. Maybe it's because I don't like frosting that much...

    Good for you for not wanting to go back. (P.S. I got all my replies back and my maintenance series starts this week!)

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  5. This is a great post.

    My friend has a small company out of her house doing cupcakes. I would love to try them but fear it would be one of those where I wouldn't be able to control myself. Plus I can't bring myself to pay $4 or up for a cupcake.

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    1. You know, I have no idea what I did pay for that cupcake. I think I was still in shock at seeing "myself"!

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  6. I had a similar experience with 5 Guys Burgers..... I just wanted to be able to say I ate there and have an opinion to share. When I saw the number of calories in the burger and fries, I almost walked out. But I had my first and hopefully last burger and fries there. And I don't think it will be too difficult to walk on by. The burger was good and that's about it.

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  7. I like that you still tried the cupcake but decided you liked YOU more than that. Wow.... I so wanna get there some day.

    Deb

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  8. Thank goodness there aren't any cupcake shops here -- that I'm aware of anyway.

    Bravo for you for realizing they could be a problem and just staying out, but more importantly bravo for you for realizing you can have one and walk away. That has to be empowering!

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  9. As you know the place where I got my awesome birthday cupcakes is just a half mile from my house. The cupcakes are $2 each or 6 for $10. It would be very easy for me to have a cupcake a day or every other day. But, I too, decided that no matter how delicious they are something that MUST be approached as a treat, period. While I don't feel any food is EVIL, moderation is the key. If one cannot practice that, avoidance is the answer.

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  10. I haven't gone in any of the cupcake places in my town. Honestly, I'm scared! Unfortunately, I did try the fro-yo about a year ago and sometimes I just crave that:(

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  11. What a great story. We just got our second fro yo place in my tiny little town. I might have visited 3 nights in a row that first week, I blame it on the children. Thank goodness there are zero cupcakeries. I like them, but think the cupcakes are so overpriced. Which, of course, fro yo isn't.

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    1. LOL - no, of course fro yo is not overpriced! ;)

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  12. Wow!! We're like those mice I read about--the scientists sew them together so something or other in them intermingles. Okay, so now I ruined this comment with that horrible imaginary picture. Kinda funny though, huh?

    Anyway, I SOOOO related to what you wrote. "I drove by (and made note of)"--that's exactly what I do! Like I'm casing the joint or something. The two times that I remember giving in to the cupcake, I don't know if I was unlucky or what, but they were definitely NOT WORTHY. I still ate a good part of them to make sure LOL. Now I'm gonna stick with Katy's Single Lady cupcake at home if the urge gets too great.

    Plus the 'seeing your former self.' That's happened several times to me lately. It is just a shock to the system, in a good way.

    And, I was also just like you--" I had several years where I decided that I would just accept being overweight and really enjoyed my (limited, I know now) life - I was the person who ate with abandon, didn't feel any guilt over not dieting, never exercised at all, enjoyed shopping for (bigger and bigger sized) clothes at Lane Bryant - it was fun. "--did that for like 20 years!

    Anyway, glad that we're friends! And now that I've infused you with some of my leftover knitting enthusiasm, even more fun! Maybe those scientists DID do something when we weren't looking!

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  13. It can happen so quickly, really. I think we have to always remember our former lives, so we cling tenaciously to what we have achieved. Wise choice...

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  14. Wow. That's a powerful reminder.

    We have about 7 cupcake stores (not to mention cupcake trucks) in Houston that I know of. I've tried a couple but they're never as good as the homemade ones to me plus they cost a ridiculous amount for a cupcake. But aren't they beautiful.

    This weekend I was faced with cupcakes after a school play. They were gorgeous. It was hard to pass up but Was able to do it. Small victories.

    BTW, I am so EXCITED about the Armadillo Dash!!!

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  15. You continue to be an inspiration, Shelley. Glad you enjoyed it, and glad you won't be darkening their door any time soon.

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  16. This is a wonderful, motivational post Shelley. Thank you!!!!!

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  17. We got one of those new bundt cake places here. EVERYONE was talking about it for a while. I would drive by and my mouth would water and I just wanted one so bad. Well, one day a drug rep brought some in. I had half a little mini one and you know what...it was good, but not awesome. Turns out the THOUGHT of having one was more fun than the reality. I try to remind myself of that feeling.

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    1. Bundt places?!? We don't have that here (yet). I agree with you, that the thought, many times, is better than the actual treat.

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  18. Shelley, this is a great post! Seriously good. Really hit home.

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  19. Well, you know I love the cuppicakes! Or the frosting, really.

    See, in my old days I would have gotten 3 cupcakes. 1 for me and 1 for John, but I would have eaten the third one in the car on the way home and no one would be the wiser.... 250 pounds indeed.

    It is scary to think how easy the old person can come back. But I think it is a good scary to know about.

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  20. Shelley I'm not sure if you subscribe to comments on my posts but I answered your question about the thickness of the ice. You're right that it has to be thick enough because it has to carry 20,000 people that will be skating it.

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  21. Shelley this is a great post. First, I love that you weren't judging the woman working at the cupcake shop - if she is happy, then great! What you saw was your former self, and the caution you felt was all about you, where you are now, and how easily that cupcake shop (with all of life's other hurdles) could send you back to where you were 100 lbs ago.

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  22. Your comment about what you would have done before totally hit home. I've done far too much hiding of my bad eating and that is one of the most important things I want to change. If I can't eat whatever it is in front of someone, then I shouldn't be eating it at all.

    I just recently found your blog. Your success is inspiring and wonderful!

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