I put on my running shoes Saturday morning for the first time since May 7th (thank you
I got to thinking - while I have a lot of hopes of doing several half marathons this fall, I hardly consider myself a runner anymore. For example, Runner's World magazine had a really good renewal special going on, and I didn't do it. Not that my subscription is going to expire anytime soon, but Runner Shelley would have automatically grabbed that deal. Also? For my birthday? No one could think of anything to get me for a gift. Last year I got lots of running stuff and money to buy running gear (like my Garmin and new shoes). This year, I'm just meh. Apparently I'm not that enthused about yoga to buy more than one outfit. Not like running and all the fun I had with clothes. I really enjoyed laying out my running gear the night before a run, and I loved that I had the need for and could justifiably buy running clothes - the person who started this blog three years ago NEVER could have seen that coming. Now? I look at everything - the cute colors of my Thorlo socks, my running skirts, the bright tops, the different colored visors - and it's all unused. Sitting in my closet. I honestly don't know if I'll ever run again. It's been so long. And obviously, my ankle is still not right - not if just the act of putting on a stupid shoe causes it to feel bad.
How long is this going to take? Is it EVER going to get better? It's just a dumb bone contusion. It shouldn't be this difficult to heal. I've done what two orthopedists have recommended - I'm not running; I haven't even walked on it for exercise. I do nothing that "pounds" on it. I've iced, heated, Motrined, wrapped and even tried an herbal remedy (symphytum officinale). And yet, as I discovered on Saturday, it's still not healed. Still. Nearly five months later. I can't go for a simple walk without it hurting.
I miss getting out there. I miss taking off with a group of people, with the common goal of running a certain distance. I miss feeling the sweat pouring down my body as I run; I miss the exhilaration of finishing a run, hitting the stop button on my Garmin, and knowing that I propelled myself several miles, kinda fast, for no other reason than because I wanted to. I haven't done that in so long. And honestly? I'm not confident anymore that I'm ever going to get to do it again.
So I wonder...am I a runner anymore? Was that just a part of my life that is now over? Was that it??? I'm beginning to think so. And that makes me really disappointed.