Friday, March 4, 2011

Friday Mishmash - Ups and Downs

Mom Update: She is continuing to do well with her recovery - hard to believe that it's only been a week since her surgery. We are all hopeful that the worst is behind her and she will continue to get better and better. Amazing what medical science can do in the face of cancer. I'm flying home tomorrow afternoon and feel confident about leaving her in the hands of my dad...although I wish I could stay longer. But everything looks good, and she'll be in Texas in May for Sam's graduation, so that will be fun. Hmmm, maybe we can get some more shopping in!

Blog Update: I am so sorry, I have not been able to read most of your blogs - I feel bad because you all have been so sweet about leaving supportive comments for me and my mom over the last couple of weeks. I really appreciate what has been written, and have read them out loud to my mom - she's enjoyed them as well. So thank you, and I hope to get back to giving some support to all of you instead of just taking it. I am indebted to so many of you, and I thank you.

Running Update: On Sunday, just a few hours after I arrive home, I'll go to the Armadillo Dash and stand on the sidelines while everyone else runs the race. Well, okay, I'm sure there will be a few other people left behind...but the urge to take off when everyone else does will be hard to suppress. Why am I going, if I'm not running? Because Jeff will be running his first ever 5K - original plans were for him to run that while Helen and I ran the half...sigh, best laid plans and all. He's been training for a couple of months (apparently he caught the running bug after hanging around my running club, lol) and it will be fun to see him cross his first finish line. I might even take pictures!

I wonder if my ankle is ever going to get better. At the hospital, just about all of the nurses that heard about my bone contusion injury (my mom likes to chat...the nurses learned about my running, weight loss, blog...lol) all said the same thing - "ooh, that takes a long time to heal" which makes me wonder if I will even be interested in running by then? Let's face it - I don't have a strong history of an exercise ethic...I've only been working out for a little over two years. I've got a lot more years of sloth in me, and we all know how easy it is to revert to what we know best, which, for me, is sitting around doing nothing.

The issue is that doing anything beyond an easy walk hurts, and the bone is still pretty prominent. If it was just cosmetic, I would not have a problem with that. But when I was doing the stairs on Monday? I was aware of it when I was going down them, and that was just walking - not even doing a light bouncy step. Depressing, really, to realize that it's been nearly two months since I hurt it, and not a lot has improved. Also depressing? To read other runner's blogs where they recap their "miles ran" for February and realizing that I have a big fat ZERO for my stats. I haven't had a zero mileage month since I ran my first mile, back in September 2009! I am so over this injury - well, mentally, anyway.

And, I have to stay off of my running club's friends facebook pages - it just makes me sad to see their pictures of the Austin marathon and know that I didn't get there. Hate that I feel so bad about that, because after all, life turned upside down and it was much better that I ended up in Oregon to spend some fun time with my Mom before her surgery, and of course be there for her in the hospital and right afterward. Hate that I'm still so whiny over this injury. Hate that you all have had such crap to read here. Let's hope next week's post are a little more upbeat. Someone should do something about that. Oh wait, that would be me. ;)

28 comments:

  1. You are allowed a bad week. You rarely do. Glad that your mom is doing better. HAve a great weekend.

    Kudos to Jeff! Way to be an athletic supporter!

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  2. Shelley-
    Oh, I am sad that you are so hard on yourself.
    I loved hearing about your journey with your mom. It is ok that you took support. I gather that is a "new" thing for you.
    I am mostly sorry that you are so bummed about your injury, and I totally understand. I would be too.
    I can't remember what you said about swimming, but I really enjoy it and it would be great for not impacting your boo boo.
    Have a great last day. Hugs to the Judy.

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  3. Maybe your ankle is weak right now, but your brain is strong. Your desire to continue exercising will prevail!

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  4. What Kim said! I know you'll make it through this, Shelley!!

    So glad your Mom is getting better everyday! She is one strong lady!

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  5. Being a bit down and disappointed is completely understandable. No use denying it, as it is the reality of what you're dealing with right now. And while I know you appreciated being with your Mom through her surgery, you'd really rather she and you and the rest of the family not have to go through what she's going through, which makes running in Austin look all that more appealing. Keep the faith. You can't unring a bell. While you may have years of sloth (I know I do) behind you, you can't unlearn what you've learned and you will never ever be really as "comfortable" in sloth as you were. You've changed that about yourself forever, really. And my goodness, you would have to give up shopping for cute running/exercise clothes and I don't think I see that happening :-) Chin up, girl. It will all be just fine. And to think, pretty soon, you might have Jeff as a half partner, in addition to virtual Helen! All good things, all good things.

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  6. I'm so sorry you are struggling with your stupid ankle & it won't heal. You've done so well so far, and while it must be so, so, so annoying to take a break from your running, I know that this break is probably so good for your ankle to heal. And don't worry, we'll all be encouraging you from the blogworld when you can run again. I think you love running too much to just give up on it! :)

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  7. It's about time that you received some of the bloggy love that you constantly give out, so don't feel bad about that at all.

    I promise you this: if you even think you are going to revert to your slothful ways, I am going to come to Texas and beat the runner back into you. Chin up my friend. Injuries like this S-U-C-K. But you will run again. You will!

    Tell Jeff I'm just about seething with jealousy that he's running and we are not, but still, the runner in me hopes he has a blast!

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  8. When you've spent all day (or days!) being upbeat to help your mom deal with her stuff, I think it's probably natural and normal to get down. You're using so much of your positive energy on your mom and her situation that you've exhausted your reserve and don't have enough for yourself.

    All that said - keep thinking logically and don't fall down the slippery slope (if I don't run today, I'll never run again and if I never run again, I'll gain 100lb. note the illogic there.) You are so much stronger than you were before, you have such a great commitment to keeping yourself healthy, that you know that you'll come back to running when your body lets you. All the things that are difficult right now (watching Jeff race, seeing your running buddies succeeding, etc) - those are the things that show that you've really made running an important part of your life. Just because you aren't pounding the pavement doesn't mean you aren't a runner - today you are a runner who is recovering from injury, but you are still a runner. If a world champ marathoner took a year off to recuperate, she'd still be a runner. Just one on a break.

    And just because that isn't who you were two or three years ago doesn't mean that's not who you are today.

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  9. Heehee - F Mc B said "athletic supporter!"
    And you - you will do fine!
    Things take time. They really do!

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  10. "If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter" Grease-the movie.

    You'll be back to running, be patient. Injuries (and stairs) stink.

    Still so glad about your mom. Maybe you should move to Oregon...then when you get better we could run together...

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  11. No doubt you will run again. You are a changed woman from your amazing weight loss and developing into a bonafide and genuine athlete.

    So glad your mom is coming along nicely. I think I'm the same way - telling people about my kids and their various "stuff". Prayers continue for her...and you. Hang in there Shelley.

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  12. OMG, do not worry about keeping up with blog reading - that was the first thing I ditched when Tony was sick because I knew everyone would understand!

    Read your mom's update today - eating breakfast and the paper - terrific! That definitely deserves a nap! :D

    Hooray for Jeff's first 5k! Can't wait for the pics on Monday - tell him good luck for me!

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  13. It's so good to hear that your Mom is doing so great now. I'm glad for her.

    Don't worry about the blogs, everybody understands you have other issues on your mind than reading blogs.

    And Helen took my line because when I was reading about become a couch potato again, first thing I thought that I would be coming to Texas and kick your butt.
    Be patient, you will run again one day and till that time find other things that you like. Spring is around the corner and you can get out on your bike then. I don't believe you let those 2 years of exercising flush down the toilet.

    Wish Jeff good luck from me! It's great he's got the running virus too. Now you can do what he has done on your races: support him, take pictures and be proud of him.

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  14. Hee hee. I was chuckling a little through the end of this, and then I LOL'd at your last statement.

    If I was there, Shelley, I would gently say to you, like my mom used to say to me when I would start crying for no reason, "You're just too tired. Do you want to go see Grease again?" And we would go watch Grease and imagine we could be as thin and pretty as Olivia Newton John while we ate our movie popcorn and M&M's.

    So wish I could be there this afternoon.

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  15. Don't ever worry about commenting on blogs. We all know how other things come first for you right now.

    I understand about the injury and running thing. I am going through some of that myself and just not wanting to deal with chronic injury and running.

    There are always other things to do. Strength training, biking, swimming, Pilates. If you ever need a nudge - just let me know and I'll do it :D

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  16. So glad to hear your mom is mending. Give yourself a little break if you can, you've been through a lot too, it seems. I used to run, I SO understand the frustration, but you will get there.

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  17. You are allowed to whine if you want to. (and frankly, I don't see your words as whiney at all - it must be very frustrating for you!!) SO glad that your Mom continues to get better!!! I'm sure you being there has helped alot! Take care of yourself.

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  18. You are definitely allowed to complain and whine and be upset. (Although I agree with other posters, it's not a lot of whining at all)!

    And I doubt you'll lose your zest for running - you've seen how it makes you feel, so I doubt you're going to revert into anything different. :)

    I'm so proud to call you my friend, Shelley - I really find you to be a super inspiration because of how you have handled ALL of this.

    *hugs*

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  19. Hugs! Don't worry about us, take care of yourself! When I couldn't run last year I actually packed up my clothes and put them away because I didn't know when I could start again.
    Sending you healing vibes for your ankle and your heart right now.

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  20. It's really tough and frustrating to know that you're on the sidelines right now though you could say something cheesy like "it's for the best" or "good things come to those who wait" or "these things happen for a reason." I'll bet you're a bit scared too. When you've come so far, afraid you'll slide back. So don't. Cuz then you'd have to write a new blog about how you gained weight and are now a couch potato.
    I think I'll go eat a bag of potato chips and some See's. I hear that See's cures cancer unlike running half-marathons which is just a selfish thing to do in the face of suffering.

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  21. Glad she is recovering so well!

    I'm with Helen. You give so much bloggy love that it is our turn to give it to you so try not to feel guilty about it.

    Have a safe trip home!

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  22. No worries about not reading the blogs. Don't feel bad about that. That's old way of thinking there. So glad mom's doing well.


    I know it's disappointing for you to have your plans interrupted. It totally sucks because it's like this whole new world finally was open to you and now you've had it yanked away. I totally understand why you'd feel like whining. You are after all human and we do not mind a bit.

    I am confident that at some point you will run again. The fact that you are obsessing about being able to do it is a sign that you will not forget about how much you love it. Don't worry. Give it time, do what you can. All of this will seem like a small speed bump very soon. You'll see. Hang in there!

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  23. Hi Shelley! so many things to say...where to start???

    I am so happy that your mom is continuing to do well. My uncle who also just had half his liver removed bc of cancer is also doing well after his surgery the other day. Just like your mom he is up and walking around and the family is so excited. He went to a cancer hospital this time and it was totally different for him. Before his surgery I called up my grandmother who was very nervous about her sons surgery. I told her about your mom who had the same surgery and how she is doing so well. it gave us hope and I want to thank you for that(and your mom too of course. so please pass that along!)

    Contusion-does that mean bruise? Because let me tell you...I fell and rolled my ankle last summer. And after a few weeks I finally went to the dr and then eventually had an MRI because it just wouldnt get better...and i wanted to run!!! I was so impatient! So they did the MRI and do you know that several weeks after my injury they said that the MRI showed it was still deeply bruised in there?! I didnt think it would ever get better but it did... several weeks later. so try to be patient and not to reinjure it by running on it too soon. I remember feeling like you feel right now!
    And also, I was nervous that since I hadnt run in a while that I would have lost all my *stamina* or endurance or whatever you want to call it. But I was pleasantly surprised that it wasnt that bad at all. Just like riding a bike. Hang in there! It will get better!!!!

    Jennifer

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  24. So glad your Mom is doing better Shelley, I'm glad you were able to be with her. Have a safe trip back home!!

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  25. Glad to hear about your mom. I hope to meet her in person one day.

    In honor of you, I have not run in the past few weeks. I don't think any in February. (no, it's not because I've been too lazy/busy) LOL You'll be back at it. I have no doubt about that.

    And a big congratulations to Master Jeff! That is so awesome! Please do take some pictures. That first 5K is always something to remember.

    HUGS to you. And I think that it's so sweet that your mom is talking about you to the nurses. She's obviously very proud of you. :)

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  26. You and your mom have been, and still are, in my prayers and thoughts. Hope things get better and better for you both!

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  27. late the the party because of my commitment to family first.
    my husband needed me.
    my child needed me.
    I needed me.

    NOW I have time to blog read.

    hugs to you Shelley.

    take care of YOU FIRST!

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  28. Hang in there, Shelley. We are all rooting for you and your mom.

    Have you considered trying another type of exercise for a while? Maybe swimming?

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