Friday, December 11, 2009

Pants Panic

True confession time. I still am fearful of pulling on a pair of pants that I haven't worn in a few weeks - what if they won't fit? I know this sounds crazy, but believe me, after living with this for years and years, the old "pants panic" still comes back to haunt me like it did Thursday morning.

Backtracking: In order to have my morning run smoothly and get to work on time, I like to put my outfit together the night before...and Wednesday evening I chose a pair of black pants, size 10, that I bought in September, along with a black long-sleeved t-shirt and a short-sleeved purple top to layer over (it's cold here), along with coordinating jewelry - why yes, I do have fun with this! Anyway, getting back to the pants - on Thursday morning as I was taking them off of the hanger to put on, I had a moment of panic, coupled with that horrible, pit-of-the-stomach sick feeling, that the pants wouldn't fit. Logically, I knew that they would fit - I have lost weight since I bought them, so there is no way that they wouldn't fit. But the panic was still there, and I hate that.

Looking deeper into the cause of these feelings, I can see that it stems from the fact that whenever I've lost weight in the past and bought new clothes, they never fit me for long because I inevitably started regaining my weight back rather quickly. This is the first time in my life that I have lost weight, kept it off, and continued to lose more weight. I'm charting new territory here, and it's scary sometimes. Obviously I have not let go of the old me, the way I used to seesaw on the scales (more see than saw), and the constant threat I lived under of having my clothes not fit because I had gone up yet another size. I guess that even though I know I'm doing what I should to keep my new body, I still don't trust myself. I wonder if I ever will.

31 comments:

  1. I deal with the same panic from time to time and likely for the same reasons. Over time it has gotten less frequent but it is still there. I'm hoping that eventually it will go away for good but I have a feeling it will be around for a while.

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  2. I do the same thing. I have two pairs of great jeans in the closet now that I bought at size 14 that are now too tight. It's so sad. I haven't stayed at a "lower" size long enough to know whether the mind games ever quit. It only takes a few beatings to make us flinch but years of therapy to get over it. Maybe it's the same kind of thing?

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  3. Maybe it takes awhile for the mind to catch up to the body, for you to really believe that this is you now. I keep my old "fat" pants just in case. Isn't that just license to gain the weight back? I plan on ditching those pants when I get to goal as a way of saying I'm truly not going back to being overweight. You have to believe in and trust your thin self.

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  4. How funny..I do the SAME THING. And when I shop I start looking for size 18 and then I remember I am a 10 or 12 now. It feels strange...but GREAT. Also feels great not to have to lay down to zip the pants...HA HA

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  5. I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS ENTRY...I know all those feelings, have them myself...I have clothing in my cupboard of all the sizes...as I also would get thin, buy and they would fit for a few weeks only as I gained the weight again...this time I am also going to win...I am.

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  6. LOL Seems to be a common feeling. The main thing is that they DO fit! Your feelings will catch up with the reality eventually. :)

    I must say you look fantastic!

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  7. Yep, apparently we all do this, because we ARE used to failure. Failing ourselves. We ARE re-writing the very essence of who we are, so of course it's scary and of course we don't (yet?) trust it/ourselves. That is why the MOMENT I started to lose enough weight to fit into smaller clothes, I started throwing away the stuff that was becoming too big. I will NOT allow myself to wear those clothes again.

    Conversely, though, I HAD kept all the size 12's and 10's, and it really saved me a bundle of money (until now, as I'm beginning to wear size 8's.) Doesn't that mean that I DID have faith in myself that at some point I WOULD get back down in size??? So there was an inner Sunny with faith in herself. That's who I have to grab hold of and bring center stage. The one with confidence in herself. Obviously you too, sistah. :)

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  8. I've been up and down the scale a few times too and worry about outgrowing my 8s which I've been wearing for about 10 months. I don't think that I will ever trust myself not to gain. It keeps me on my toes. I have to stay mindful or the weight will come back sure as shootin.

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  9. It is incredibly comforting to me that this fear is not just within me. From these comments, it seems a common fear amongst those who have lost and gained and are now losing for GOOD!

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  10. I had that same fear when I pulled my winter coat out last week. I thought "what if it doesn't fit?" which is crazy (and it fit fine).

    I actually hope that fear never really goes away. Whenever I have lost weight, I would get complacent and gain back. The fear of regain helps me nip slips and slides in the bud before they get too far. I think you have to always be mindful - especially those of us who have lost a lot of weight. It's different. We're different.

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  11. I can totally relate to the pants panic. I have never lost weight and not been on a diet. I have never really tried to look at it like a lifestyle before now. So gaining back was always for sure. This time I am feeling confident that maybe I can keep it off for good.

    Have a great weekend.

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  12. I get the same panic but don't think that I am panicky enough. The right amount for me would be that I wouldn't allow myself to any longer have several sizes in my closet. Sadly, I'm still not there.

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  13. That's funny, I have that same panic and didn't really realize it until I read your post.

    And BTW... your 100 pounds lost photo looks amazing. Congrats!

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  14. You will get over the pants fear, it might take sometime but you will. I know that for sure as much as I know you won't gain again! At least I won't let that happen to you, you've worked so hard to get here!

    I do know the feeling though, most of my pants are too big now but I'm afraid to throw them away and buy new ones. So look who's talking to you :lol:

    I always pick out my clothes the evening before too so I won't have to think in the morning what I want to wear.

    Big hug for you dear Shelley!

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  15. I've been maintaining a 75 pound weight loss for ten years and a 100 pound plus (give or take) for four years and I still have those moments. Had one this morning, in fact. Today is our Christmas luncheon and I told myself that somehow I'd outgrown my red blouse. I'd already decided on something different to wear. I then decided to try it on to see how far off it was and was actually surprised that it fit with room to spare. The crazy brain is amazing.

    congrats on wearing pants :-)

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  16. I had the same thoughts during the beginning of my weight loss maintenance. There really was a part of me that wasn't sure I was as small as I had been the month before even though I knew I was.

    So glad everything was just perfect!! You are really working through all of this in your mind and I think that's a great way to handle the first year or so of weight maintenance! Congratulations!

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  17. I have that feeling at least once a week. I KNOW they fit, but I have that "what if" moment.

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  18. I can totally relate to that feeling! When I was at my low weight it was hard to believe the sizes I could try on and even harder to believe that it was worth buying them. It takes a long time to re-imagine your body in its new form.

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  19. Amen, sister - whenever I pull pants out of the dryer I always think they're not going to fit.

    They do, but I still freak out.

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  20. Ooh 'that horrible, pit-of-the-stomach sick feeling'--I used to get that when I was a kid and had to wear something that I thought didn't look good on me! I never heard anyone else describe it before!

    I actually haven't had that feeling in regards to not fitting into clothes now. Its not that I don't have SOME feeling. Just not the sick to my stomach feeling.

    There were some good comments in the comments! Amy H said 'Maybe it takes awhile for the mind to catch up to the body.' That is absolutely true. In my observation, the faster someone loses weight, the longer they have to work on the brain changes.

    And Lori said 'I think you have to always be mindful - especially those of us who have lost a lot of weight. It's different. We're different.' And to that I can only say a fervent AMEN!

    P.S. Your outfit really sounds cute! Isn't it fun?

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  21. Those old ghosts are the hardest to get rid of. I know what you mean about wondering if you'll ever trust yourself - it's hard given everything that's led up to where you are now. But you have made incredible strides and continue to do so - I think that's a really good sign of things to come!!

    Enjoy those size 10s.

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  22. It is so odd but I do believe on some level our body size feels sort of like our height-- something you can't really change. When really, you most assuredly can. Enjoy your 10s! You look wonderful!

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  23. I can totally relate to that... I am always surprised when the size 14 jeans fit.

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  24. Ahhh, the Old Pants Syndrome can be gripping. But I can testify that it can be conquered. There were many FAILS of the "trying on of the old pants", but they fit now. They fit real good. =)

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  26. Beautiful blog, and congratulations on your weight loss.

    Your before and afters are just incredible.

    I just made the first post to my weight loss blog. My before pictures are quite horrendous.

    Something interesting about your before and afters is, in your afters, you were clearly able to buy nicer clothes. They don't make very nice clothing for bigger people, do they?

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  27. I can completely relate to this . . . I am so happy for you that you're doing what you need to do to banish that panic!

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  28. I just caught up on your last few posts....you look fantastic in your sweater dress....I still have too many lumps, bumps and rolls to pull one of those off!

    I understand about the pants panic. When I try something on in the store now....I still want to reach for the 26/28's because I wore that size for so many years...even though I'm actually in an 18/20 now. I just don't want the disappointment in the dressing room of trying it on and it not fitting. Weird, I know.

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  29. I think we all suffer from the mental aspect of losing and gaining weight. Are my pants to tight? Does this shirt hide my rolls? We just have to do our very best! Hey my pants fit great these days...lol

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  30. I go through the same thing AND I still have not been able to get rid of all my size 10s and 12s....Every day when I go to button my pants I suck in my gut and hope they button.

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  31. I agree with Tammy, my brain doesn't want to be disappointed by taking the wrong size in the dressing room...I don't want to feel fat, bc I am working so hard at life changes to be smaller. Pants-don't discourage me! Don't insult me!..wow, there is a lot to work through.

    And Jane said "It takes a long time to re-imagine your body in its new form." Or as Amy H says "for the mind to catch up to the body". So true! I am experiencing all of this. Good to read about your experiences too.

    I know you have lived the other side of it too, where u plan to wear X to the party, church, etc, & have it all planned out...then go to get ready only to find it is now TOO BIG. Sloppy, in fact. I am sure enjoying shopping/buying as I continue to get smaller, but it can also be slightly discouraging when the fave X is way too big. I know, funny, I should be glad!

    I am only saving my biggest pair of jeans, but otherwise getting rid of EVERYthing the whole way down on my journey. Much funner to buy the smaller stuff, and the wardrobe is a very interesting part of the WL journey, eh? ChrissyS

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