True confession time. I still am fearful of pulling on a pair of pants that I haven't worn in a few weeks - what if they won't fit? I know this sounds crazy, but believe me, after living with this for years and years, the old "pants panic" still comes back to haunt me like it did Thursday morning.
Backtracking: In order to have my morning run smoothly and get to work on time, I like to put my outfit together the night before...and Wednesday evening I chose a pair of black pants, size 10, that I bought in September, along with a black long-sleeved t-shirt and a short-sleeved purple top to layer over (it's cold here), along with coordinating jewelry - why yes, I do have fun with this! Anyway, getting back to the pants - on Thursday morning as I was taking them off of the hanger to put on, I had a moment of panic, coupled with that horrible, pit-of-the-stomach sick feeling, that the pants wouldn't fit. Logically, I knew that they would fit - I have lost weight since I bought them, so there is no way that they wouldn't fit. But the panic was still there, and I hate that.
Looking deeper into the cause of these feelings, I can see that it stems from the fact that whenever I've lost weight in the past and bought new clothes, they never fit me for long because I inevitably started regaining my weight back rather quickly. This is the first time in my life that I have lost weight, kept it off, and continued to lose more weight. I'm charting new territory here, and it's scary sometimes. Obviously I have not let go of the old me, the way I used to seesaw on the scales (more see than saw), and the constant threat I lived under of having my clothes not fit because I had gone up yet another size. I guess that even though I know I'm doing what I should to keep my new body, I still don't trust myself. I wonder if I ever will.