Thursday, February 19, 2009

Fatorexia

Recently, I was shocked when I saw some old pictures of me (taken 6 and 8 years ago) - I was huge! Now, because I haven't owned a scale in forever, I have no idea of how much I weighed. But I had good hair and cute clothes, right? Just bigger clothes. Whatever. That was a long time ago. I'm sure I was much smaller when I started this Journey. Just to be sure, I checked the pictures that my husband took of me when I got my bike last June. I mean, by then I had lost some weight, so how bad could I look?
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Let me just say that it was bad. Really, really bad. I was huge. Very, very huge. And what is scary is that I didn't think I looked that big. I mean, really. I think the mirrors in the dressing rooms at Lane Bryant are bewitched to make you look good in their clothes. Either that, or I suffered from Fatorexia. You know how anorexics look in the mirror and see a fat person? Apparently I am the opposite: I looked in the mirror and while I didn't see a thin person, I certainly did not see that fat person who was in those pictures. I am shocked.

And glad that I'm not that big anymore.

Funny, but I don't believe those pictures could have motivated me to start losing weight. Because obviously I disassociated myself from that person. But I see her now. And believe me, that is the only place I want to see her - in those old pictures. Not in my mirror. But I wonder...how will I know the difference? What if I'm still fatorexic?

Someday, maybe when I'm at my ideal size (whatever that may end up being), I'll have to post the pictures. Until then, you'll just have to take my word for it.

13 comments:

  1. oh....I always look good...in my HEAD. It is weird how our minds work like that. I guess it's defense thing. If I knew I was that fat when I was that fat I might have done something drastic, like diet and exercise. Wicked mind!

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  2. Fatorexia, I love it. I HAVE THE SAME THING. I truly have not seen myself as big as I am/was. There's a real disconnect between my mirror and the camera.

    Even now, I recently lost 10 lbs and have been feeling so "skinny" but I looked at a photo from this weekend. Skinny? Not yet. Probably not EVER.

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  3. I definitely do not have fatorexia. I look fat to me in the mirror AND in pictures. And the Lane Bryant mirrors make me just as sick as the ones at home.

    I still haven't posted my before pictures. I can't face it. Taking them and posting them are huge hurdles on my to do list.

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  4. I was the same way - the bigger I got, I always thought I looked good!

    It wasn't until I got in my car one day and my stomach TOUCHED the steering wheel that I thought "maybe I am overweight?"

    I too hadn't stepped on a scale in ages and I was shocked to find out I weighed 210 pounds! I thought I was like 150!

    That was in 1999, my sister and I joined WW and I got down to 140 in a year. I maintained that loss for 7 years! But then my friend insulin let me eat whatever I wanted. Oh well! I am 163 and I feel huge, but its slowly coming off - who knew losing weight in your 40's takes a long time!

    Hang in there!!

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  5. I think all food-a-holics have fatorexia. I was doing the same thing last week with some pictures of myself taken only a year and a half ago.

    Chicken! I posted my fat pics. Just didn't keep them on my side bar for evereyone to have to look at them and get sick.

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  6. This is great! Love the new term, fatorexic! I have the same problem. I've lost a little over 20lbs since Dec.1st and felt so good with my looser fitting pants. At least until we took pics this last weekend. I swear it doesn't look like I lost anything!

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  7. I definitely have "fatorexia" too. It's like all I see in the mirror is a general "too big/fat" . . . and I somehow see the same thing whether I'm 25 or 125 pounds overweight. I sure can see the difference in photographs, though!

    I guess this is why taking before/after photographs is a good idea.

    I wonder if we will ever be able to look in the mirror and see ourselves as we really are.

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  8. Miz - YES! Love Jen Lancaster! I think the difference between her and I was that she embraced her fat (like in the bus incident), while I shunned it.

    Fatty, Foodie, Biz, Deborah, Tina, Ria - glad to hear I'm not alone in this unfortunate malady!

    Hopefool...how did you get to be so normal?!?

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  9. It so interesting how our self image can be so different from what we really look like. I still think I'm smaller than I really am and look younger than I really am.

    Have a great weekend!

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  10. I love comparison pics.......makes it all worth it! Come on, be brave! ;)

    I was like you......I didn't see myself in the mirror like that but I avoided most cameras.

    My wake up call was finally seeing the number on the scale......that is why I will NEVER live without one again.

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  11. I never think I'm as fat as I am. So when a scale said I was one pound away from 300, I immediately started this life change. I know I'm fat, just never believe I'm really that huge "grossly obese" person that people whisper about in the stores, and examine my grocery cart for a clue as to why I look like I look. Thanks for the posting. Vee at www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

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  12. LOL at the Lane Bryant mirrors.

    I saw myself as very fat. But nearly as huge as I see when I look at the pictures now. Fatorexia. Can you write a paper for the medical journals and make your fortune?

    When the heck did I finally start reading your blog and commenting???

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